Friday, September 04, 2009

Run This Town

So my whirlwind vacation is coming to a close and I am sitting here typing from the freezing cold Las Vegas airport. I'm the only one remotely awake since we opted not to go to sleep the last night of the trip. Probably not the brightest idea but hey sue me. Las Vegas has been a blast, even though it got off to a semi rocky start.

In all the years I've been traveling never have I had my luggage broken, but that's just what happened in this case. My favorite piece of luggage got it's handle busted the fuck up somewhere between DC and NV. Of course I complained but honestly I was just happy and surprised that the bitch made it. My damn tags were missing and it was limping along on it's back like a flipped turtle on the carousel. Sure it hasn't made my life the least bit easy but it's minor in the grand scheme.

Speaking of uneasy, I have determined that Vegas only has two settings. Hell and winter. Everywhere you go you are either cooking or freezing. There is no happy medium. I am going to knock the wind out of the next person that calls this shit a dry heat. You know what else has a dry heat? Your oven on 450. I bet you aren't interested in posting up in that bitch neither so can it with the crap.

Not only that but there is an abundance of extra type ignorance in thus town. No not the obvious ignorance and debauchery that usually occurs in this town but the bumpkin type hayseed-esque, what's a crosswalk, walmart dresses are sexy, look paw there's Negros kind of backwoods fuckery. I'm sitting next to some ignorant bitch and her get-er-done husband right now. I just figure that you should we a little savvy when you travel and perhaps don't wear hunters orange.

Anyway, it's one of thoes trips where you spend too much money and stay out way too late and laugh about it the next day. We sorta got off to a slow start due to our arrival time. We didn't manage to do anything that evening but we more than made up for that.

Honestly this is the first time I've traveled with people who haven't gotten on my last fucking nerve. My girls are the greatest, no bullshit.

So I don't think I had ever been to a club in Vegas before this trip...and this is my 4th trip out here. The club is a really different experiance here. First, you better pick the right one. That's off the break because you could possibly spend a bunch of money in an extra wack club. The club at Tao was one of those buy a table and look pretty clubs where no one talks to each other and no one dances. Sure you are cute but WTF? My assesment of Tao? Great gift shop, awsome completely overpriced food and a tired ass club.

Then there's maybe it's the music, or the heavily poured drinks. Shoot it could even be the layout, but that club cranks. Sure we almost had to beat the breaks off a drunken guy chasing Kenya around the club but that wasn't too bad really. There was honest to god dancing. I acted a straight up fool just like i promised. I am making a Vegas club playlist cause it was that live in there.

We had a ball and if every night could have been that night I'd never leave Vegas. Kenya seemed really surprised at our popularity with the international men. Me? Not so much. I fucks with all types of dudes on the regular, so Asian or Arab men checkin for me is not new. Yeah I know I've said I want to move there before so you aren't shocked. It's probably no where close to that much fun if you live there.

Sure I coulda used one more day of tanning. Of course I could have had a few more Patron Margaritas, no, I didn't get to wear all my new outfits and none of us won a dime on the slots but truly and dearly it was a great trip.

My only regrets so far are minimal. The to do list for the next trip looks like this.

1. Bring more money
2. More sushi, less Asian fusion
3. Don't let US Air handle all or part of your trip.
4. Don't book shit with Frontier Airlines.
5. Wear what you want, you'll still be killin the rest of those fail hoes every day.
6. Start making your intentions with fine men known early lol. I mean you Bronson.
7. Start tanning earlier than noon and being hungover is no excuse.
8. Stay a full week at least.
9. Pick the right clubs.
10. If anyone asks you who's gonna run this town tonight just look at your girls and smile.