Monday, December 20, 2010

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Yesterday I witnessed (albeit by playback) a bonafied Christmas Miracle. The Eagles, my Eagles (you're not the boss of me) pulled off the win of the mothergrabbin century yesterday evening.

It was in the final moments of the game (that no network on the east coast saw fit to televise, which held the coveted top seat of the NFC East, that I spent the better part of yelling at my ESPN ScoreCenter app on my phone) when DeSean Jackson's 65 yard punt return put the Eagles at 10-4 and gave them the coveted big piece of chicken at the head of the NFC East table.

What can I say? It was the comeback story of the year. I just wish that I could have actually seen the damn game instead of watching the Colts and Jaguars. I ought to march down to FOX and kick the fuck out of whoever decided this lineup. Why in the world would you decide not to play a game that important on network TV on the east coast? I almost had a coronary cause of you whomever you are.

I do have a question though. Who was the idiot who kicked off to DeSean Jackson? No seriously, who said to themselves "I'm going to kick it to the fastest little boy in the NFL. Oh wait I know who it was, it was you.

This genius laying spread eagle *snicker* is Matt Dodge. His super smart coach Tom Coughlin had instructed him to kick the ball out of bounds. That worked well. I am sure there was a meeting shortly after that game.

So speaking of my team, lets talk about them shall we? I'm going to start with Vick, who for all intents and purposes has been doing really great things with his time in Philly. I think he just needed to have the opportunity to try. In the lead for Pro Bowl votes, putting up crazy numbers passing and scoring and not to mention he has been unwilling to complain or cry about some of those decidedly fucked up plays that have caused him certain or possible injury. BTW, we can get into the debate about whether or not you think that he has the same protection a Manning, Brady or even Rivers has out there another time. I know where I stand on it but that's neither here nor there.

So, I know what you are going to say. "But Avin he killed dogs" and I will say yes, I agree with you on that proven fact. Then you will say "but there is no way that we should allow him to live or breath after spending two years in the pen and basically making no money in the NFL for this and the next however many seasons while he repays his debt." And to that I will say "look, do I approve of what he did? Nope. Do I think that there are some fundamental cultural differences in his upbringing that didn't alert him to this as reprehensible? Yep.

So, I am not excusing it. I am however applauding the fact that he has chosen to own his crimes and do something about them in the face of the public. I haven't seen R. Kelly admit to peeing on 14 year olds or Ben Rothelsberger admit to sexually assaulting teen girls, doesn't stop y'all from coppin that album or swinging that towel so STFU about Vick. At least he actually seems sorry.

Next up, DeSean. Dear sweet DeSean. My sweet little (and I do mean little) 24 year old prodigy. I am thankful for your presence on the Eagles every Sunday, Monday and Thursday you play. I am filled with team spirit every time I see you run down the field to score and I cheer for your every silly little touchdown celebration.
How.mother.fucking.ever. I feel the need to scold you on a repeated basis for your ignorant ass behavior. When we won last week you sort of irritated me cause you wouldn't let Michael Vick do his after game interview. You were all in the shot like Diddy used to be back in the day (oh wait, he is still all in the shot, never mind) and poor Mike was just trying to answer the questions. Here you are throwin up gang signs in the back acting like a 12 year old. Then you got a chance to talk.

(Long deep exasperated sigh) I said then "he is young, and excited and its okay". So I mention on twitter how happy I am about the win and one of my Eagle fan friends says to me "Yeah, but I don't ever want DeSean to act like that again in life". Being the Stan I am, defended him and proceed to follow his tweets. Partly because I knew how excited he was, and partly because he reminds me of a considerably smaller, less attractive version of my 17 year old son. True story.

Anyway, fast forward to me having to hear from someone on Fox's sports commentator panel announcing the Eagles win. They cut to the game winning touchdown and there is DeSean. Running his little tiny yellow heart out, and the end zone is feet away, and this (breathe Avin) child...this child runs away from the end zone and then back in to win the game.

Two things went through my mind at that moment. Thank you sweet minty Jesus for that win and what would have happened if he dropped that ball or god forbid someone caught up with him in time to tackle his crazy monkey ass?? I think the whole of Philadelphia would have been waiting for his return to dismember him. He says (or they say, or some damn body said) that he did it to run the clock out, but I know showboating when I see it. I didn't make it this far without knowing when you are trying to get your shine on instead of doing what you are supposed to do. So of course I check twitter and he starts sending these tweets after the game that make me want to choke him. Sigh.

I say all this to put out in the air that I need him to grow up quickly. No one is questioning your talent, but you are annoying and you make me want to hurt you. Less talking, less tweeting, less stunting and more catching and running. that's it.

Okay, enough with the football. My mother just informed me that Christmas dinner will include 28 people this year and one very important quasi relative. My stupid ass step-brother. Seriously, why me? What would be the purpose in having him there? Lord I have been patient and kind this year in the face of adversity (and you know who and what I am talking about) so why would you set him up to be cussed out at Christmas time? That just doesn't seem fair to me. Here's wishing for another Christmas miracle that makes him go poof and disappear from my presence on Christmas day. I am just glad my man is coming. He has already been alerted to the fuckery and has been waiting a lengthy period of time to crack someones face for them. I sure hope Step-Conartist stays in his lane. Could be embarrassing.
Happy Holidays!