Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Spring 2014 or That year I got fired, got married, became a buddhist, took summer classes, lost 20lbs, lost my bathroom ceiling, worked in a liquor store and watched my 21 year old get a degree.

Yeah so there's that. Who knew all this time that 2014 was secretly lying in wait for me to do everything I hadn't managed to accomplish or fail at all in the span of six short months. Hey do you know unemployment pays like nothing and stops after 6 months? I should be down at the food stamp line or walking the track. Fuck me. I just keep thinking about the creditors. I hate creditors. Why the fuck did you even give me that money if you didn't want me to spend it? You knew I wasn't good for that shit when you sent the card. SMH... So instead of sitting at home bitching about that wretched job I fucking hated I am ringing up fellow drunks in my happy place. We will call it the liquor emporium for safety sake and because...fuck it that sounds fancy/classy and shit. On my off time (read: days, weekends and such) I am working tirelessly on boring a hole straight through the couch with my ass as I attempt feats such as "finish your degree" and "don't fail math". It's really quite interesting. I even bore the dog. An animal that sleeps a solid 20 hours a day. I bore him! Talent I tell ya. Honestly, I complain but I should be grateful. Which I sort of am. I have had a monster break that has allowed me to keep from putting more miles on my vehicle and not get an oil change since March. I have also been building my good karma which is pretty cool too. Except all this fancy expensive schooling is keeping me from gongyo and Daimoku with my fellow faith folks on the regular. Oh, hey I did something grown up other than get hitched. We will get there I promise. I got a tutor. I went and found me a math tutor to help me with my remedial fraction life. It only took 20+ years for me to realize that I wasn't ever gonna "get" algebra on my own. She is cool too in a bookish, doctoral student way. I dig her. If I thought she drank or left the house to do fun shit I would totally drag her out to have fun. Oh shit! I am supposed to be writing her a review! Then there was the portal to another universe that opened up in my only lavatory. Twice I awoke to the recreation of the great flood in my bathroom. Once when the light fixture fell off the wall and the second time when a bubble of water large enough to drown a small animal formed behind the latex paint. The first time they only came out to patch the ceiling. The second? Well they are in there removing the whole damn shebang right now. Granted, I am not happy about 6 hours of math set to the soundtrack of saws and hammers but at least I know that there won't be any creatures climbing through it to come and get me. Thanks mom for the visual. So, back to the wedding. It was small. We just decided in the intellectual words of Jagged Edge we weren't getting no younger so we might as well do it. We just felt like it was the right time and we didn't want to pay to feed gossipy fake people who want to trade a $20 picture frame for a $100 dinner. Fuck em. We had a small family get together afterwards and ate some food together and later went off to Vegas in a very funny mock honeymoon. Oh and I will probably never remember our wedding date either. Cause it was initially planned for May 23rd a Friday but then my kid needed to graduate from college that day so we moved it to the 22nd. It was comical in a happy, sort of unexpected change way. Then I cried like a fool during the kids graduation. The whole damn time. Oh and my mother clowned me as I bawled like an infant. Way to go mom! All that lead up to say that the boy got accepted to a 4 year and they are steady dicking him around on the daily. Welcome to higher learning kid. As for me I finally found someone to hire my fail ass. Sure it's twice the work for 2/3 the money and my new boss is the most unprofessional person in life, but let's just thank the universe that I will be drawing down a paycheck. No hooking for me! I kid I kid. It's not bad it's just not ideal. It could be worse. I will just try to remember what T.I. says and when they ask how you are say "better than you!"