So my whirlwind vacation is coming to a close and I am sitting here typing from the freezing cold Las Vegas airport. I'm the only one remotely awake since we opted not to go to sleep the last night of the trip. Probably not the brightest idea but hey sue me. Las Vegas has been a blast, even though it got off to a semi rocky start.
In all the years I've been traveling never have I had my luggage broken, but that's just what happened in this case. My favorite piece of luggage got it's handle busted the fuck up somewhere between DC and NV. Of course I complained but honestly I was just happy and surprised that the bitch made it. My damn tags were missing and it was limping along on it's back like a flipped turtle on the carousel. Sure it hasn't made my life the least bit easy but it's minor in the grand scheme.
Speaking of uneasy, I have determined that Vegas only has two settings. Hell and winter. Everywhere you go you are either cooking or freezing. There is no happy medium. I am going to knock the wind out of the next person that calls this shit a dry heat. You know what else has a dry heat? Your oven on 450. I bet you aren't interested in posting up in that bitch neither so can it with the crap.
Not only that but there is an abundance of extra type ignorance in thus town. No not the obvious ignorance and debauchery that usually occurs in this town but the bumpkin type hayseed-esque, what's a crosswalk, walmart dresses are sexy, look paw there's Negros kind of backwoods fuckery. I'm sitting next to some ignorant bitch and her get-er-done husband right now. I just figure that you should we a little savvy when you travel and perhaps don't wear hunters orange.
Anyway, it's one of thoes trips where you spend too much money and stay out way too late and laugh about it the next day. We sorta got off to a slow start due to our arrival time. We didn't manage to do anything that evening but we more than made up for that.
Honestly this is the first time I've traveled with people who haven't gotten on my last fucking nerve. My girls are the greatest, no bullshit.
So I don't think I had ever been to a club in Vegas before this trip...and this is my 4th trip out here. The club is a really different experiance here. First, you better pick the right one. That's off the break because you could possibly spend a bunch of money in an extra wack club. The club at Tao was one of those buy a table and look pretty clubs where no one talks to each other and no one dances. Sure you are cute but WTF? My assesment of Tao? Great gift shop, awsome completely overpriced food and a tired ass club.
Then there's Prive...now maybe it's the music, or the heavily poured drinks. Shoot it could even be the layout, but that club cranks. Sure we almost had to beat the breaks off a drunken guy chasing Kenya around the club but that wasn't too bad really. There was honest to god dancing. I acted a straight up fool just like i promised. I am making a Vegas club playlist cause it was that live in there.
We had a ball and if every night could have been that night I'd never leave Vegas. Kenya seemed really surprised at our popularity with the international men. Me? Not so much. I fucks with all types of dudes on the regular, so Asian or Arab men checkin for me is not new. Yeah I know I've said I want to move there before so you aren't shocked. It's probably no where close to that much fun if you live there.
Sure I coulda used one more day of tanning. Of course I could have had a few more Patron Margaritas, no, I didn't get to wear all my new outfits and none of us won a dime on the slots but truly and dearly it was a great trip.
My only regrets so far are minimal. The to do list for the next trip looks like this.
1. Bring more money
2. More sushi, less Asian fusion
3. Don't let US Air handle all or part of your trip.
4. Don't book shit with Frontier Airlines.
5. Wear what you want, you'll still be killin the rest of those fail hoes every day.
6. Start making your intentions with fine men known early lol. I mean you Bronson.
7. Start tanning earlier than noon and being hungover is no excuse.
8. Stay a full week at least.
9. Pick the right clubs.
AND
10. If anyone asks you who's gonna run this town tonight just look at your girls and smile.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wasted
Rockstar lifestyle might don’t make it indeed. Lemme tell ya what, I
am so over fail dudes and their delusions of grandeur. Everyone can’t
be rich and famous, and most of these guys aren’t even going to come
close. Fail ass cousin falls into this category and runs with a bunch
of other fail dudes who aspire to be more than they can ever hope to
be. FAC thinks he is a professional basketball player, however he has
no contract, no prospects and certainly no money in his pockets. Okay
that might not be true considering he is always mooching off his poor
little girlfriend.
However, this fool is short on my rent this month to the tune of $150
and he still out popping bottles and buying tables and shit. His
friend who can only be described as some sort of phony dreadlock Rasta
thinks he is going to be the next R&B sensation. I guess he hits the
studio between janitorial jobs down at the local high school. The
other little tragic boy thinks that if he memorizes all the stats for
every player in the NBA and NCAA he will be the next Jim Rome or
SportsCenter correspondent…current occupation? Camp counselor. None of
them ever have a pot to piss in and the window they could throw it out
belongs to someone else 99% of the time. Let them tell it they are on
their way to being celebrities.
FAC actually had the nerve to complain that when he was at a club he
couldn’t afford to be at, and the headlining performer took the stage,
he and his entourage were unceremoniously kicked off the stage. First,
who the fuck are you to think that you should be on stage with a real
performer. He doesn’t know you, or ya mans and them. No one cares if a
substitute teacher, a custodial engineer and a camp counselor are
getting put off the stage. In fact, no one would care if yall got put
out of the Taco Bell. You and your fail ass buddies are nobodies. End
of story.
So its countdown to Vegas for Tres Yellards aka 3xY or if you will,
them yella bitches. We touchdown in sin city on Wednesday and I don’t
think the city will be the same. I plan to act a straight up asshole
and so to 2 & 3. We are going to cram as much fun into our little trip
as possible. Party, party, party. I of course have been on this
hellish diet where I basically eat air and water and pray that my
bikini doesn’t look like a rubber band stretched over a tire. It’s not
been fun. Not to mention I have considerably cut back on drinking. I
actually went 8 days without a drop of liquor and I was doing pretty
good. Then my momma had a party and that all went to shit. Then my
buddy came over last night and we killed two bottles of red while
chomping on pizza. Uggh I gotta go to the damn gym or something cause
I don’t want to undo all the hard work I have done. I managed to
grease myself into a dress I haven’t worn since Dubya’s first term in
office two weeks ago, and I am not about to go back to wearing tents
now.
So I have my eye on this guy who isn’t new but I guess I just realized
that I like him more than I did before. Okay that’s a fat lie,
actually I have always thought he was attractive, I was just otherwise
entangled in some dumb shit with random dude. Now I am single, and I
am bored out of my mind and I think I just made him a target. I don’t
even know if he is interested, I just know I like what I see. I am
sure I will come to some sort of decision soon, but really I am not
too pressed about it. I am just going to see where it leads me.
Other than the normal bullshit, like work and life things have been
pretty cool. The searing hunger seems to be keeping my mind off of
petty bullshit and the lack of available ass. See, diets do work. I am sure I will have some sort of report upon my return, but who really
knows. I say so little here these days and what happens in Vegas is
supposed to stay there. I can dig it, and my guess is you can too.
am so over fail dudes and their delusions of grandeur. Everyone can’t
be rich and famous, and most of these guys aren’t even going to come
close. Fail ass cousin falls into this category and runs with a bunch
of other fail dudes who aspire to be more than they can ever hope to
be. FAC thinks he is a professional basketball player, however he has
no contract, no prospects and certainly no money in his pockets. Okay
that might not be true considering he is always mooching off his poor
little girlfriend.
However, this fool is short on my rent this month to the tune of $150
and he still out popping bottles and buying tables and shit. His
friend who can only be described as some sort of phony dreadlock Rasta
thinks he is going to be the next R&B sensation. I guess he hits the
studio between janitorial jobs down at the local high school. The
other little tragic boy thinks that if he memorizes all the stats for
every player in the NBA and NCAA he will be the next Jim Rome or
SportsCenter correspondent…current occupation? Camp counselor. None of
them ever have a pot to piss in and the window they could throw it out
belongs to someone else 99% of the time. Let them tell it they are on
their way to being celebrities.
FAC actually had the nerve to complain that when he was at a club he
couldn’t afford to be at, and the headlining performer took the stage,
he and his entourage were unceremoniously kicked off the stage. First,
who the fuck are you to think that you should be on stage with a real
performer. He doesn’t know you, or ya mans and them. No one cares if a
substitute teacher, a custodial engineer and a camp counselor are
getting put off the stage. In fact, no one would care if yall got put
out of the Taco Bell. You and your fail ass buddies are nobodies. End
of story.
So its countdown to Vegas for Tres Yellards aka 3xY or if you will,
them yella bitches. We touchdown in sin city on Wednesday and I don’t
think the city will be the same. I plan to act a straight up asshole
and so to 2 & 3. We are going to cram as much fun into our little trip
as possible. Party, party, party. I of course have been on this
hellish diet where I basically eat air and water and pray that my
bikini doesn’t look like a rubber band stretched over a tire. It’s not
been fun. Not to mention I have considerably cut back on drinking. I
actually went 8 days without a drop of liquor and I was doing pretty
good. Then my momma had a party and that all went to shit. Then my
buddy came over last night and we killed two bottles of red while
chomping on pizza. Uggh I gotta go to the damn gym or something cause
I don’t want to undo all the hard work I have done. I managed to
grease myself into a dress I haven’t worn since Dubya’s first term in
office two weeks ago, and I am not about to go back to wearing tents
now.
So I have my eye on this guy who isn’t new but I guess I just realized
that I like him more than I did before. Okay that’s a fat lie,
actually I have always thought he was attractive, I was just otherwise
entangled in some dumb shit with random dude. Now I am single, and I
am bored out of my mind and I think I just made him a target. I don’t
even know if he is interested, I just know I like what I see. I am
sure I will come to some sort of decision soon, but really I am not
too pressed about it. I am just going to see where it leads me.
Other than the normal bullshit, like work and life things have been
pretty cool. The searing hunger seems to be keeping my mind off of
petty bullshit and the lack of available ass. See, diets do work. I am sure I will have some sort of report upon my return, but who really
knows. I say so little here these days and what happens in Vegas is
supposed to stay there. I can dig it, and my guess is you can too.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Bad Habits
So I’ve been missing, yes I know missing in action for what I think is close to 6 months. I’ve been busy, and not the good kind. I’ve mostly been working like a fool and attempting to make it “okay” that 70 hours of my week is spent selling furniture or playing contract apprentice. It’s a lot. I rarely see my kid anymore, not that he is upset about that. He is 16 so truthfully, he isn’t checking for me all that frequently.
Dating….whooooo yeah that’s a nonexistent thing. Sure I could be dating in between jobs or driving all over the state but why give up a few precious hours of sleep just so I can be irritated and or disappointed?? I just keep waiting for something to give or someone decent to stroll into my life. Right now I am just having a hard go of it and trying to make better decisions. I’ve recently made some poor ones and some really smart ones too. I just wish they were all consistently smart. I think I am going in the correct direction though.
Last month I went to my girl Justine’s wedding out in some waterfront town. Gorgeous venue, beautiful ceremony… strange ass wedding though. I took the kid cause I didn’t want to invite the dude that I just fired. Men are always so weird about weddings and I am sure he would have been a total wet blanket. That and the guy who was the best man at my wedding now seems to have the hots for me (15 years later) and could have made the whole scene awkward. Not that it wasn’t already awkward by any means. It was fun but it was strange and though I expect a certain amount of fuckery when dealing with my girl Justine, this just went above and beyond.
First there was my kid having a hypoglycemic attack and kneeling in the grass in his $200 suit trying to get right. Then there was the best man debacle. He doesn’t drink but chose that night to do so. Oh that and he kept touching me. Very weird. There was the odd tribute to my friend that died. The couple who was married, who isn’t married, who are getting married again that showed up. Oh and the random appearance by some girl I just pretended not to know. I can’t even get into all the other hinky things but take my word for it, it was weird.
I lost weight to get into this amazing dress which looked great. I say this after going carb free for two weeks. I am finishing up some McDonald’s right now. I was starving. I will get back to my grind after this week, right now I am just hungry as a beast and I work too many hours to pretend like a salad is going to cut it. I have less than a month before I jet off to Las Vegas with Tres Yellards and I know that all of August will be filled with carb free days nights and weekends as I attempt to whittle my body into the tiniest of outfits. I plan to act a straight asshole.
It’s weird that when I finally take a second to update all I can think about is all the things I want to say but cant. I don’t expect that anyone ever reads this thing again, but I really just don’t know anymore. I feel like spilling my guts and telling everything that plagues me from the dude I just dropped to the stress with my father to the fact that I think I am starting to have anxiety attacks again, but all those details down on paper don’t really solve shit. They don’t help me to feel any better and they don’t change a damn thing. I still feel heartbroken, I still feel irritated and I am still way too damn busy to get into any of it. All I want out of life right now is one day off from both jobs where I can throw on a pretty sundress and spend it sipping Margarita’s.
What I do want to mention is that Facebook is the devil. I know I said that about 4 years ago in regard to MySpace but let me tell you this FB stuff is much worse. It all seemed like good clean fun at first. See a few folks updates that you haven’t seen since 93. Catch up with people you were buddies with back in the day and such, but then it took a very dire turn. See I realized that the recently fired dude is on FB and his page is unlocked and well you know my penchant for googling folks, so of course I checked out his page. That turned into a tool to match his whereabouts with his lame ass excuses. On the real, FB is what got him canned. If you stand me up and you don’t call me all the next day to qualify your egregious error, and I check your page and all day you’ve been playing Mafia Wars……I know you aren’t dead or in jail. Since those are the only two excuses I accept for a no call no show, then you are instantly fired. Benefits cancelled, no COBRA.
The next incident was when I realized my sorry ex-husband was on FB. I didn’t care at first, but when he started trying to friend everyone I associate with, I started wondering about his motives. Friday he tried to friend E-Money and I know they never had one solitary conversation ever in life. Why so pressed to get in with my people? So I went against my original assertion that I would not post anything remotely personal or retaliatory for a status. I just went on him full tirade style completed by pointing out that friending him was a bitch move.
Then came the blast from the past dude (who I affectionately refer to as Rebel Without a Clue) who showed up chatty as a MF. He perhaps fails harder at life than the guy I just fired and I didn’t even think that was possible. Of course due to his penchant for Evan Williams and his extensive multi-state criminal record he is really into me. You know the jailbirds love me.
Finally, on Friday I had the unadulterated Gaul to look at the new folks who have joined from my class and low and behold there is the one dude I probably have been searching for since 10th grade. Long story very short he was my first boyfriend back in 7th grade. There were make ups and break ups but we never could get it together and trust we never will. I immediately added him as a friend and scanned his page being nosey as hell. Well I learned a few things.
First he is engaged, second he is absolutely gorgeous. We are talking full on amazing looking and now I am hating. Damn it why did I do that??? I feel like I was better off not knowing what happened to him. I am hating so much that I actually changed my profile picture! I am completely consumed with him and his new fiancée….well fuck. Hate in my heart blood in my eyes I haven’t seen this dude since 96 and I have the nerve to hate on his situation and mostly cause I want him for myself.
We chatted a bit over messaging, and he seems super happy. HEY!! I know what you’re thinking was nice, I congratulated him on his new life and fiancé and family and wish all good things to come his way. See, I can be nice even if I am hating and consumed with jealousy. That’s what we call personal growth. So for the last three days I’ve been drowning my hate/sorrow/jealousy in Color Me Badd songs and sitting around reminiscing like an asshole. What is my major issue??? I wish them the best…I am still hating. So in conclusion Facebook is the devil and I need to spend less time on there and more time doing something productive.
Dating….whooooo yeah that’s a nonexistent thing. Sure I could be dating in between jobs or driving all over the state but why give up a few precious hours of sleep just so I can be irritated and or disappointed?? I just keep waiting for something to give or someone decent to stroll into my life. Right now I am just having a hard go of it and trying to make better decisions. I’ve recently made some poor ones and some really smart ones too. I just wish they were all consistently smart. I think I am going in the correct direction though.
Last month I went to my girl Justine’s wedding out in some waterfront town. Gorgeous venue, beautiful ceremony… strange ass wedding though. I took the kid cause I didn’t want to invite the dude that I just fired. Men are always so weird about weddings and I am sure he would have been a total wet blanket. That and the guy who was the best man at my wedding now seems to have the hots for me (15 years later) and could have made the whole scene awkward. Not that it wasn’t already awkward by any means. It was fun but it was strange and though I expect a certain amount of fuckery when dealing with my girl Justine, this just went above and beyond.
First there was my kid having a hypoglycemic attack and kneeling in the grass in his $200 suit trying to get right. Then there was the best man debacle. He doesn’t drink but chose that night to do so. Oh that and he kept touching me. Very weird. There was the odd tribute to my friend that died. The couple who was married, who isn’t married, who are getting married again that showed up. Oh and the random appearance by some girl I just pretended not to know. I can’t even get into all the other hinky things but take my word for it, it was weird.
I lost weight to get into this amazing dress which looked great. I say this after going carb free for two weeks. I am finishing up some McDonald’s right now. I was starving. I will get back to my grind after this week, right now I am just hungry as a beast and I work too many hours to pretend like a salad is going to cut it. I have less than a month before I jet off to Las Vegas with Tres Yellards and I know that all of August will be filled with carb free days nights and weekends as I attempt to whittle my body into the tiniest of outfits. I plan to act a straight asshole.
It’s weird that when I finally take a second to update all I can think about is all the things I want to say but cant. I don’t expect that anyone ever reads this thing again, but I really just don’t know anymore. I feel like spilling my guts and telling everything that plagues me from the dude I just dropped to the stress with my father to the fact that I think I am starting to have anxiety attacks again, but all those details down on paper don’t really solve shit. They don’t help me to feel any better and they don’t change a damn thing. I still feel heartbroken, I still feel irritated and I am still way too damn busy to get into any of it. All I want out of life right now is one day off from both jobs where I can throw on a pretty sundress and spend it sipping Margarita’s.
What I do want to mention is that Facebook is the devil. I know I said that about 4 years ago in regard to MySpace but let me tell you this FB stuff is much worse. It all seemed like good clean fun at first. See a few folks updates that you haven’t seen since 93. Catch up with people you were buddies with back in the day and such, but then it took a very dire turn. See I realized that the recently fired dude is on FB and his page is unlocked and well you know my penchant for googling folks, so of course I checked out his page. That turned into a tool to match his whereabouts with his lame ass excuses. On the real, FB is what got him canned. If you stand me up and you don’t call me all the next day to qualify your egregious error, and I check your page and all day you’ve been playing Mafia Wars……I know you aren’t dead or in jail. Since those are the only two excuses I accept for a no call no show, then you are instantly fired. Benefits cancelled, no COBRA.
The next incident was when I realized my sorry ex-husband was on FB. I didn’t care at first, but when he started trying to friend everyone I associate with, I started wondering about his motives. Friday he tried to friend E-Money and I know they never had one solitary conversation ever in life. Why so pressed to get in with my people? So I went against my original assertion that I would not post anything remotely personal or retaliatory for a status. I just went on him full tirade style completed by pointing out that friending him was a bitch move.
Then came the blast from the past dude (who I affectionately refer to as Rebel Without a Clue) who showed up chatty as a MF. He perhaps fails harder at life than the guy I just fired and I didn’t even think that was possible. Of course due to his penchant for Evan Williams and his extensive multi-state criminal record he is really into me. You know the jailbirds love me.
Finally, on Friday I had the unadulterated Gaul to look at the new folks who have joined from my class and low and behold there is the one dude I probably have been searching for since 10th grade. Long story very short he was my first boyfriend back in 7th grade. There were make ups and break ups but we never could get it together and trust we never will. I immediately added him as a friend and scanned his page being nosey as hell. Well I learned a few things.
First he is engaged, second he is absolutely gorgeous. We are talking full on amazing looking and now I am hating. Damn it why did I do that??? I feel like I was better off not knowing what happened to him. I am hating so much that I actually changed my profile picture! I am completely consumed with him and his new fiancée….well fuck. Hate in my heart blood in my eyes I haven’t seen this dude since 96 and I have the nerve to hate on his situation and mostly cause I want him for myself.
We chatted a bit over messaging, and he seems super happy. HEY!! I know what you’re thinking was nice, I congratulated him on his new life and fiancé and family and wish all good things to come his way. See, I can be nice even if I am hating and consumed with jealousy. That’s what we call personal growth. So for the last three days I’ve been drowning my hate/sorrow/jealousy in Color Me Badd songs and sitting around reminiscing like an asshole. What is my major issue??? I wish them the best…I am still hating. So in conclusion Facebook is the devil and I need to spend less time on there and more time doing something productive.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Cool
The new year is bringing some new changes and I think its high time for a ton of them. I was on the phone last night at an ungodly hour with one of my homegirls discussing all the reasons why lots of random folks will be getting pink slips from our lives this year and I started thinking about out completely liberating getting older has turned out to be.
See it used to be I was so totally consumed with maintaining friendships and not pissing anyone off that I was scared to cut folks loose. I think its that whole youth and popularity thing that has most of us twisted up for a while, but as you age you figure out that you are just too busy to put up with bullshit.
I mean its difficult enough trying to keep in contact with people that you like. Its hard enough to convince your friends that you are still a good friend and that you do care about them when you are bogged down with mortgage payments and business meetings and financial issues. Its not like they don't get it cause they are right there with you, but for most of us its damn near impossible not to feel like a jerk cause you missed their birthday, anniversary, promotion. You aren't a bad friend and a complete asshole cause you cant seem to remember to make a phone call to anyone but your damn office.
As for people you don't want to deal with...why the fuck bother? You have limited time and energy and really do you want to spend another minute justifying this friendship when you could just cut it loose? I vote no. I thing the same is true for anyone in your life who is a brain drain or a colossal time waster. Cut them. I mean you don't have to be mean about it. You could go the route I always go which is to cut them back and then slowly phase them out. Sure you can be honest and bold about that shit in some cases (men) but for the rest of them just let them fade to black.
See it used to be I was so totally consumed with maintaining friendships and not pissing anyone off that I was scared to cut folks loose. I think its that whole youth and popularity thing that has most of us twisted up for a while, but as you age you figure out that you are just too busy to put up with bullshit.
I mean its difficult enough trying to keep in contact with people that you like. Its hard enough to convince your friends that you are still a good friend and that you do care about them when you are bogged down with mortgage payments and business meetings and financial issues. Its not like they don't get it cause they are right there with you, but for most of us its damn near impossible not to feel like a jerk cause you missed their birthday, anniversary, promotion. You aren't a bad friend and a complete asshole cause you cant seem to remember to make a phone call to anyone but your damn office.
As for people you don't want to deal with...why the fuck bother? You have limited time and energy and really do you want to spend another minute justifying this friendship when you could just cut it loose? I vote no. I thing the same is true for anyone in your life who is a brain drain or a colossal time waster. Cut them. I mean you don't have to be mean about it. You could go the route I always go which is to cut them back and then slowly phase them out. Sure you can be honest and bold about that shit in some cases (men) but for the rest of them just let them fade to black.
Speaking of men....I have an announcement to make. This is 2009, and if you have not heard from me since before the ball dropped I have some disappointing news. Your contract was not renewed for the new year, consider yourself laid off effective immediately. Please do not attempt to call me, as you will be sent straight to voicemail. If you repeatedly attempt to harass me by any technological means (text, email, incessant phone call type assaults) I may answer...but you will not like it. So far I have asked two male persons to delete my number from their phones. I have asked another to stop contacting me by email and I have outright igged that sorry manipulative former boyfriend to his face on New Years Day. Y'all know who you are. Contract cancelled, Cheers!
People I mean business. I am swabbing the decks in the 09. I am tired of fooling around with loser ass, fail ass people who have nothing to offer me or the world in general. In fact if you have failed at life in general (legal issues, fidelity issues, transportation issues, employment issues, reality issues, borderline psychotic fascinations with lying, jail, history, sports, politics and other things that not only bore the piss out of me but reveal you to be a loser of epic proportions) then do the world a favor. Climb up something high, like a building. Get up a running start and dive the fuck off of it. You are a waste of space and even though other people wont say it, I will. Kill yourself.
Harsh? Sure it is, but its also the truth. Now if you'll excuse me I have some top shelf Bloody Mary's to make to celebrate my 2009.
Cheers!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Santa Baby
Christmas has come and gone and basically I am no worse for the wear. Had to tighten the belt a little bit but I was still pretty generous with the Christmas gifts I was able to provide. It all goes back to that rule I have about folks fucking with my Christmas Joy. I wont stand for it.
So right before the holiday I was pulling some pretty evil shifts at work, and while I understand they were necessary, they sho nuff kicked my ass. I mean, in the last year I have seen some of my coworkers age tremendously, and I don't want to fall in with that crowd. I already dye my hair and I am not about to spend what little money I have left over each month on botox or whatever else wont make my face droop. I just have to slow my roll a little bit and ease back on my stress levels.
The first thing I could do to scale back my stress would be to go and punch that fat bitch employee of mine in her throat. That evil sorry bitch tests the limits of my patience every day. She is sneaky, she is insubordinate and more than all that, she is just a lazy fat sow who spends half the day cuddled under the left nut of our bitch made project manager, and the other swinging from our customers balls.
As her direct supervisor (which she would argue) I have written her up, and counseled her several times about how she behaves towards her coworkers. I have even had the Program Manager get her straight, but the fact of the matter is, the tiny bit of work she does is not work that anyone else wants to do, so if the customer doesn't mind her cranking out mediocre shitbag work on the daily until March then fine. I'll fire her ass when the task is over.
The other thing I could do to cut down on my stress levels is go back to working out or doing yoga. All I seem to manage to be able to do is drink mass quantities of red wine. In fact most of the gifts I got this year were wine related. Glasses, decanter, opener, wine bible, actual wine.....you know good stuff. I recently went to my favorite liquor store to pick up a few bottles and presents for Christmas, but I guess I left with too many, cause they asked was I gonna drink it all myself. I wanted to say "well not all at once!" but I just said know and started thinking that perhaps I am in there too much. Then they proceed to tell me that they are open Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just in case I forgot anything. Ha ha wise guys, very cute. If I need more wine this week I wont come here thank you. Everyone is a damn critic.
So I did buy these tiny bottles of Ciroc Vodka that were on sale and pass them out to my coworkers. Let me tell you what, those dudes were elated! I never seen such joy from a damn little bottle of liquor in my life. I bought 10, put a red bow on them, and passed them out. Big huge hit. Yay me! Perfect gift that says "hey, I just wanted you to know that during this holiday, I care about they type of vodka you consume, Cheers". Not that I think its right to put any more cash in Diddy's pocket, but its whatever.
As for my Christmas, I didn't get anything I wanted from Santa. I didn't get Autotune, Terrance Howard didn't leave the country and from what I gather is still pretending to be a singer. Worst of all, Common was not wrapped in a bow under my tree when I woke up. Now granted I am not always the nicest lady, but I have been pretty fucking good this year. Though I have threatened, I haven't physically assaulted anyone. I let my sorry ass fuck up cousin stay here and thought he is gone now he broke up my shit and stiffed me on half a month's rent. I cut back on the use of the word fuck to a considerable degree, and what few dudes I deal with I have been mostly nice to them.....sort of. Look I am trying. The very least that I could have gotten was Common, come on Santa work with me here!
Speaking of random ass dudes, I have never felt as disappointed in my options as I am right now. Even worse, these options could be on entirely different sides of the socioeconomic spectrum and still be fail ass losers. I don't know how that happens, but maybe I should be checkin for ugly dudes or something. Seems like the better looking they are, the more shit they got with them. Oh and don't even get me started on the married loser who was sniffing around. People never cease to amaze me.
Last but not least I think I finally have the motivation to get some of this extra weight off. For the longest though, I just didn't give a shit. I mean its very difficult to want to lose weight when more dudes are checking for you than when you were thin. That kind of negative/positive reinforcement is very difficult to argue with. Sure I like being thin, but I also like food too. The other morning after working like a fool, cooking most if not all of Christmas dinner for the entire family and getting next to no sleep, I started thinking about New Year's Eve with Tres Yellards and started flipping out. What the hell am I going to wear!!!! Well I finally mustered the nerve to drag out my dresses and guess what??? They fit! All of them.
I don't know why, cause I am pretty damn big and haven't done a damn thing to fix it, so I will just take it and pray that they still work at the end of the damn week. Tres Yellard's are headed to some restaurant to partake in 6 course tasting menu with sake parings. Then we will hightail it back here to Casa Avin to sip wine, eat little desserts and count down to the New Year. No boys, no clubs, no bullshit. I will leave that shit to the young folks. I don't fuck with clubs anymore (cause I think after you get to a certain age you should have better shit to do with your life) and I damn sure don't have any desire to be hold up with one of the loser brigade. Me and my homegirls got this "fun" thing down to a science.
See you in the 09!
So right before the holiday I was pulling some pretty evil shifts at work, and while I understand they were necessary, they sho nuff kicked my ass. I mean, in the last year I have seen some of my coworkers age tremendously, and I don't want to fall in with that crowd. I already dye my hair and I am not about to spend what little money I have left over each month on botox or whatever else wont make my face droop. I just have to slow my roll a little bit and ease back on my stress levels.
The first thing I could do to scale back my stress would be to go and punch that fat bitch employee of mine in her throat. That evil sorry bitch tests the limits of my patience every day. She is sneaky, she is insubordinate and more than all that, she is just a lazy fat sow who spends half the day cuddled under the left nut of our bitch made project manager, and the other swinging from our customers balls.
As her direct supervisor (which she would argue) I have written her up, and counseled her several times about how she behaves towards her coworkers. I have even had the Program Manager get her straight, but the fact of the matter is, the tiny bit of work she does is not work that anyone else wants to do, so if the customer doesn't mind her cranking out mediocre shitbag work on the daily until March then fine. I'll fire her ass when the task is over.
The other thing I could do to cut down on my stress levels is go back to working out or doing yoga. All I seem to manage to be able to do is drink mass quantities of red wine. In fact most of the gifts I got this year were wine related. Glasses, decanter, opener, wine bible, actual wine.....you know good stuff. I recently went to my favorite liquor store to pick up a few bottles and presents for Christmas, but I guess I left with too many, cause they asked was I gonna drink it all myself. I wanted to say "well not all at once!" but I just said know and started thinking that perhaps I am in there too much. Then they proceed to tell me that they are open Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just in case I forgot anything. Ha ha wise guys, very cute. If I need more wine this week I wont come here thank you. Everyone is a damn critic.
So I did buy these tiny bottles of Ciroc Vodka that were on sale and pass them out to my coworkers. Let me tell you what, those dudes were elated! I never seen such joy from a damn little bottle of liquor in my life. I bought 10, put a red bow on them, and passed them out. Big huge hit. Yay me! Perfect gift that says "hey, I just wanted you to know that during this holiday, I care about they type of vodka you consume, Cheers". Not that I think its right to put any more cash in Diddy's pocket, but its whatever.
As for my Christmas, I didn't get anything I wanted from Santa. I didn't get Autotune, Terrance Howard didn't leave the country and from what I gather is still pretending to be a singer. Worst of all, Common was not wrapped in a bow under my tree when I woke up. Now granted I am not always the nicest lady, but I have been pretty fucking good this year. Though I have threatened, I haven't physically assaulted anyone. I let my sorry ass fuck up cousin stay here and thought he is gone now he broke up my shit and stiffed me on half a month's rent. I cut back on the use of the word fuck to a considerable degree, and what few dudes I deal with I have been mostly nice to them.....sort of. Look I am trying. The very least that I could have gotten was Common, come on Santa work with me here!
Speaking of random ass dudes, I have never felt as disappointed in my options as I am right now. Even worse, these options could be on entirely different sides of the socioeconomic spectrum and still be fail ass losers. I don't know how that happens, but maybe I should be checkin for ugly dudes or something. Seems like the better looking they are, the more shit they got with them. Oh and don't even get me started on the married loser who was sniffing around. People never cease to amaze me.
Last but not least I think I finally have the motivation to get some of this extra weight off. For the longest though, I just didn't give a shit. I mean its very difficult to want to lose weight when more dudes are checking for you than when you were thin. That kind of negative/positive reinforcement is very difficult to argue with. Sure I like being thin, but I also like food too. The other morning after working like a fool, cooking most if not all of Christmas dinner for the entire family and getting next to no sleep, I started thinking about New Year's Eve with Tres Yellards and started flipping out. What the hell am I going to wear!!!! Well I finally mustered the nerve to drag out my dresses and guess what??? They fit! All of them.
I don't know why, cause I am pretty damn big and haven't done a damn thing to fix it, so I will just take it and pray that they still work at the end of the damn week. Tres Yellard's are headed to some restaurant to partake in 6 course tasting menu with sake parings. Then we will hightail it back here to Casa Avin to sip wine, eat little desserts and count down to the New Year. No boys, no clubs, no bullshit. I will leave that shit to the young folks. I don't fuck with clubs anymore (cause I think after you get to a certain age you should have better shit to do with your life) and I damn sure don't have any desire to be hold up with one of the loser brigade. Me and my homegirls got this "fun" thing down to a science.
See you in the 09!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
FAIL
How did I forget about my fail ass cousin!!! OMG I cant believe I left this part out but here goes. My cousin, younger and clearly not as smart as a man should be at 25 is a total and complete blower. By blower I mean he is a damn mess and he has come to live in Casa Avin. Being the nice chick I am, I offer up a room in my house for this dude who I witnessed being born so that he will have some place to stay after being ousted from his main chicks house in VA. somehow someway this fool (a teacher btw) got himself a DWI in a neighboring state and now is not allowed to drive in that particular commonwealth.
Now, he already has a baby by a random chick up in the northern part of the country, and he got said chick pregnant while he was awaiting a lucrative basketball contract overseas. However, he managed to fuck that up and is now substitute teaching in the area. So, last summer the brizzle and the baby come down for a visit while he is living with my mother and while I know he is not still with her, he flips and does the ultimate. He drops the momma and the baby off at the airport, and then picks up this random brizzle and brings her back to my momma's house on the same effing day. I was hot, cause this is not how my family rolls but whatever.
Now I seen random brizzle all over his damn MySpace page looking all extra pressed and whorish all up on the cousin. I don't have shit to do with that really but I find her to be stupid and clearly without class for coming back to a house where the baby momma just left. Just stank. Anyway, fast forward to two weeks ago and Fail ass cousin needs a place to stay. Now I guess I forgot about Random Brizzle #1, but homechick is still around.
Now mind you I never met her until tonight, but I have met PLEANTY of other random brizzles going in and out of my home like its a damn bus station. There is Brizzle #2 who showed up at 5 am for what I can only guess was some hoodrat shit and Brizzle #3 who I only got a glimpse of going out the door. So now I am thinking Brizzle #1 is the main Brizzle cause she is in my goddamn kitchen right the fuck now. Have I mentioned my issues with OCD and not wanting folks to touch my shit? Yeah I am there right now.
So not only has FAC had 3 separate whores in my home, a dude who wont shut the fuck up and broken my dresser drawer but he hasn't paid me my rent, he wont put his damn dishes in the dishwasher and I am ready to throw his bitch ass out.
Oh and my mother says "oh you wont even know that FAC is there, he is never around and really quiet". Another reason why mom needs to be put in a home, and I need my fuckin head examined. Pray for me, cause I think I might have to kill him if he doesn't get an overseas contract soon.
Now, he already has a baby by a random chick up in the northern part of the country, and he got said chick pregnant while he was awaiting a lucrative basketball contract overseas. However, he managed to fuck that up and is now substitute teaching in the area. So, last summer the brizzle and the baby come down for a visit while he is living with my mother and while I know he is not still with her, he flips and does the ultimate. He drops the momma and the baby off at the airport, and then picks up this random brizzle and brings her back to my momma's house on the same effing day. I was hot, cause this is not how my family rolls but whatever.
Now I seen random brizzle all over his damn MySpace page looking all extra pressed and whorish all up on the cousin. I don't have shit to do with that really but I find her to be stupid and clearly without class for coming back to a house where the baby momma just left. Just stank. Anyway, fast forward to two weeks ago and Fail ass cousin needs a place to stay. Now I guess I forgot about Random Brizzle #1, but homechick is still around.
Now mind you I never met her until tonight, but I have met PLEANTY of other random brizzles going in and out of my home like its a damn bus station. There is Brizzle #2 who showed up at 5 am for what I can only guess was some hoodrat shit and Brizzle #3 who I only got a glimpse of going out the door. So now I am thinking Brizzle #1 is the main Brizzle cause she is in my goddamn kitchen right the fuck now. Have I mentioned my issues with OCD and not wanting folks to touch my shit? Yeah I am there right now.
So not only has FAC had 3 separate whores in my home, a dude who wont shut the fuck up and broken my dresser drawer but he hasn't paid me my rent, he wont put his damn dishes in the dishwasher and I am ready to throw his bitch ass out.
Oh and my mother says "oh you wont even know that FAC is there, he is never around and really quiet". Another reason why mom needs to be put in a home, and I need my fuckin head examined. Pray for me, cause I think I might have to kill him if he doesn't get an overseas contract soon.
The Green Light
I shouldn't wait so damn long to update but I swear life just gets in the way. I always think about posting, but when I get home I am just too damn tired, and in a few weeks time things change drastically, but I am ready to go right now so lets see if I can give you the scoop on some of the bigger items going on since my trip to Alabama.
Work work work. I guess work is just fine, things are the same as they ever were which is busy, but that is to be expected I guess. Lets just not talk about it okay, I gotta get up and be there again tomorrow and I ain't pleased.
I did manage to attend the NKOTB concert with my friend Rachel and it was amazing. Yes I know what I said about not being their biggest fan (that would be Rachel) but I did really have a ball being 13 again. 
There is something so liberating about being able to have fun without a thought as to who might care how silly you look. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I sang all the songs I knew and I actually danced. I got a little static from one of the kids at work but really, who gives a shit. I actually went in the next day and showed my coworker my merch and I even harassed her with the the "Right Stuff" dance most of the day. A good time was had by all. Oh and that last pic is of a 40 year old Jordan Knight. Fellas, please step your game up.
There is something so liberating about being able to have fun without a thought as to who might care how silly you look. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I sang all the songs I knew and I actually danced. I got a little static from one of the kids at work but really, who gives a shit. I actually went in the next day and showed my coworker my merch and I even harassed her with the the "Right Stuff" dance most of the day. A good time was had by all. Oh and that last pic is of a 40 year old Jordan Knight. Fellas, please step your game up.
On the home front mom got her knee replaced and seems to be recovering very well. I don't want to speak on that much or else she will call me and I will have to go over there and do some shit for her that my father should be doing. He has been completely useless and I am not particularly surprised, I am just tired as shit.
I have dyed my hair twice in the last 2 months. The first color (though everyone seemed to like it) was some sort of sickly orange pumpkin looking shade that I could not get rid of fast enough. I think going lighter is just a damn mistake at this point. Unless I am willing to fry it with bleach and spend a fortune then I just shouldn't do it. Fail ass fucking color had me pissed for weeks. Then I dyed over it with a very dark brown which I love. I need to get it cut though because I think I am super bored and its not nearly as sophisticated as I would like it to be.
Then there are the things that I cant elaborate on. Like the old friend who has become a new friend that I am attempting to get to know again. Its new and its scary and its old and its familiar and I have no clue what the hell is going on really. I keep telling myself that shit changes, and I've changed and that maybe my friend has changed too but it all feels the same, and that shit makes me nervous. I don't know if I have the energy and its just fuckin complicated. So I think I am just going to pray on it and hope it goes well. Yes me pray, don't act like I don't pray! I might cuss like a sailor, and tell folks to eat a dick on a regular damn basis but that has nothing to do with my personal faith.
I have been fighting to lose what has become an obscene amount of weight that crept up from what I can only assume was the gates of hell or the dunkin donuts (same difference) and applied itself everywhere it could. I have been sporadically going to the gym and trying to work it off, but with mom's needs and the kids troubles in school I haven't had a second to breathe much less run on a treadmill.
The most irritating thing about the weight gain is not the fact that I am a little wider or fuller in the middle, its these new ridiculous chi-chi's that sprang up on my chest! I have never been a super flat girl, but never has my cup runith over. I cant even begin to guess what size these things are, but they are a pain in my ass. I cant sleep on my tummy at night, my shirts all ride the hell up like I am attempting to recreate a music video, one of my bra's actually broke. BROKE people!!!! I went out shopping for new bras and went a size up only to find that those motherfuckers don't fit either. I refuse to believe that I have moved into a D cup in less than a year. That shit is super impossible and can only be described as complete and utter bullshit. Kenya says that losing weight isn't going to make them go away and that I am stuck with them for life, but I think she is just attempting to scare me.
Also, I just got back from NYC, which was fabulous. I actually went up for a day shortly after returning from Alabama to attend a fashion week dinner, but the motherfuckers in my office effectively ruined that shit for me by calling me all damn evening. Not only that but they started calling me again on Monday morning at the crack of dawn which caused me to come all the way back home early and miss out on a bunch of fun type shit.
This time I went to visit my homegirl Heather and partake in a fabulous meal of KFC. No not that kind, I am talking about Korean Fried Chicken. She has been telling Li and I about it for months, but we finally got a chance to get up there and taste it for ourselves and let me tell you it was totally worth the drive. Oh yeah that was the other thing, I drove. Apparently the Acela ain't got shit on me cause I made it from the top of 495 to the Lincoln tunnel in 2 hours and 45 min. I didn't even think I was going that damn fast but folks are saying I broke some sort of land speed record in the Camry. Who knew??
We also attempted to see Stetsasonic (the original hip hop band) at the Knitting Factory that night, but let me tell you what, it did not happen. Sure we saw some wack ass battle rappers and of course we saw Just-Ice and the Jungle Brothers (minus a member) and I think YZ was on stage at one point but no we never did see Stetsasonic. Why do you ask? WELL, turns out the promoter was straight booty, and the show was all over the place. The company was great, there were plenty laughs, there was lots to drink, but there was no Sally. None.
There was however a random ass appearance by Keith Murray who came on the stage with about 45 random ass negroes. He managed to get out two familiar songs, one verse of Special Delivery and The Most Beautifulist Thing all late and wrong but he didn't sing Lifted so at that point I didn't give a shit AND it was like 12:45! Once he got of the stage we just knew Stetsasonic was next but nooo. All of the sudden there were more random fail ass negroes on the stage. That's when we broke the hell out. Heather's friend Steve was pissed, Li and I were tired, Heather was disappointed and we were all hungry. Once our bellies were full we retired to Casa Heather and the next morning we headed back to DC.
We had a ball though, between the bloody mary's, laughing with India, cutting up with Steve, makeup, hair and music convo with Heather, playing with Syd V. and twittering non-stop a good time was had by all. Gotta do that again real soon.
Well that's the best I do this go around.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
The Business
I am so happy to be home from my business trip. Let me tell you that the last place you want to go in August is Alabama..trust me. Sure we got a ton accomplished but between the heat the smell, the briefings and organizing I am whipped. It wouldn't be so bad if that's all I had to do, but the nature of my position requires me to do a whole lot of meeting and greeting. That and a healthy dose of babysitting. Grown ass men are not to be trusted on Tdy period. Twice I was sure we would get kicked out of an establishment or that the comments produced from their mouths would surely offend. Damage control is my life and granted I cause my own share of shit, but I don't advertise and it pretty much flies under the radar.
So my trip started with 3 delays in Atlanta and missing, wet luggage at midnight in a Podunk town in a shitbag airport. It pretty much went downhill from there despite my best efforts. I will however admit to being on a completely dismorphic pms tear that was accelerated by a dumb ass question and resulted in some seriously hatefilled and alcohol feuled text messages which while I am aware were totally spiteful weren't totally off base or that far out of character for me. Ehh whatever I apologized, but I swear some folks got it coming.
I swear I try to be nice, but really other folks make it so damn difficult. In truth, everyone is good with me till they fuck up and do something stupid...and that my friends is something you do not want. I am practically surgical when it comes to anger. It becomes a blind rage that shoots forth with crazy intensity and zero remorse. There is a "god help you" that is automatically applied to a person on the wrong side of my wrath. I'm not unfair, I just have a super low tolerance for anything bullshit related.
This time it started with the question "are you mad at me" recieved on day 4 of 7 after another long ass day playing hostess with the mostest and sitting in boring meetings with several adult children. I was continuing to discuss work with work folks we depend on when this question appeared on my phone. I think I heard myself snap at that point. The match was lit and every one and thing in my wake was not only scorched but charred and cremated. It was sent to elicit a response and it got one. My response? A sustained stream of fucks that later evolved into me telling a co worker to eat a dick. Oh well he had it coming too.
I have yet to figure out why this generation produces such soft, nutless men. I have joked about it on occasion, I have even hinted about it, and sometimes (such as this one) I have called the nutless bitchmade man out to their face.....all to no avail. I don't know that pointing out the problem actually ever solves it. I think for some its another opportunity to pretend they aren't neutered skirt wearing pussies. Gutless, witless grown ass men unable to handle their own lives, families, subordinates, ex-wives, jobs, money and affairs all while letting people punk and push them around laughing at their weakness and crushing them under foot like little sticky pink marshmallow bunnies. I will get into real men and the ability to keep and carry one's own nuts another time, but yes this exactly what sent me in to a fucking tailspin.
So now I am finally home (bought my freedom) as though home doesn't present it's own damn challenges. I am just going to attempt to enjoy my weekend and not cause or entertain anymore shit. I do know two things. 1. Don't chase pavements. Give the hell up and let shit chase you and 2. When in the deep south do not expect straight hair no matter how much product you attempt to use.
So my trip started with 3 delays in Atlanta and missing, wet luggage at midnight in a Podunk town in a shitbag airport. It pretty much went downhill from there despite my best efforts. I will however admit to being on a completely dismorphic pms tear that was accelerated by a dumb ass question and resulted in some seriously hatefilled and alcohol feuled text messages which while I am aware were totally spiteful weren't totally off base or that far out of character for me. Ehh whatever I apologized, but I swear some folks got it coming.
I swear I try to be nice, but really other folks make it so damn difficult. In truth, everyone is good with me till they fuck up and do something stupid...and that my friends is something you do not want. I am practically surgical when it comes to anger. It becomes a blind rage that shoots forth with crazy intensity and zero remorse. There is a "god help you" that is automatically applied to a person on the wrong side of my wrath. I'm not unfair, I just have a super low tolerance for anything bullshit related.
This time it started with the question "are you mad at me" recieved on day 4 of 7 after another long ass day playing hostess with the mostest and sitting in boring meetings with several adult children. I was continuing to discuss work with work folks we depend on when this question appeared on my phone. I think I heard myself snap at that point. The match was lit and every one and thing in my wake was not only scorched but charred and cremated. It was sent to elicit a response and it got one. My response? A sustained stream of fucks that later evolved into me telling a co worker to eat a dick. Oh well he had it coming too.
I have yet to figure out why this generation produces such soft, nutless men. I have joked about it on occasion, I have even hinted about it, and sometimes (such as this one) I have called the nutless bitchmade man out to their face.....all to no avail. I don't know that pointing out the problem actually ever solves it. I think for some its another opportunity to pretend they aren't neutered skirt wearing pussies. Gutless, witless grown ass men unable to handle their own lives, families, subordinates, ex-wives, jobs, money and affairs all while letting people punk and push them around laughing at their weakness and crushing them under foot like little sticky pink marshmallow bunnies. I will get into real men and the ability to keep and carry one's own nuts another time, but yes this exactly what sent me in to a fucking tailspin.
So now I am finally home (bought my freedom) as though home doesn't present it's own damn challenges. I am just going to attempt to enjoy my weekend and not cause or entertain anymore shit. I do know two things. 1. Don't chase pavements. Give the hell up and let shit chase you and 2. When in the deep south do not expect straight hair no matter how much product you attempt to use.
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