Monday, November 27, 2006

Borat who?

Déjà vu seriously go see it. Its been a long time since I actually liked a movie enough to sit in a crowded ass theater on opening weekend and endure the hot ghetto mess that is Arundel Mills Mall. We decided to have dinner over at Chevy’s which was good. The boyfriend was already looking at me like it was a major mistake to go there for a 9pm movie with Ray-Ray and Uzi Clip but since we haven’t had a date night in months, he decided to risk it.

We did have a few irritants of course, like homegirl in the seat in front of me who was at very least 400lbs and talking on two cell phones at the same time. The Boyfriend leaned over to me at one point and said “I don’t care who that bitch is, she don’t need two damn phones and she aint that damn important” which caused me to snort my sprite through my nose. Of course she never heard me coughing though cause she was too busy yacking through the opening credits. It’s a testament to how good this movie is that she actually shut up and paid attention.

Was it “Man on Fire” good? Not quite, but was directed by the same guy, so it has that same feel to it. Tony Scott has a real knack for capturing scenes. It’s a different way of seeing that most of us just don’t think about. It really sets his movies apart from others.

I think Denzel did a great job (as usual) and I even liked a fatter Val Kilmer. It was great to see Erica Alexander again and Paula Patton did a fabulous job in her role. I think for a newcomer she is really about to do some really big things. In fact she and her husband are both doing big things this year. Her husband being Robin Thicke who’s CD I love so dearly.

So before I go on a Robin Thicke tangent, I will just stop there and say go see Déjà vu cause its totally worth it.

Friday, November 24, 2006

360 Degrees

Its easy to forget that karma really does exist sometimes. For years I have thought that karma was something that folks who got the short end of the stick said to make themselves feel better after getting screwed. I never really thought that the screwer got what they deserved in the end. Well, with the exception of the "I'll believe it when I see it" ideas I have about my exhusband ever getting a tiny scrap of the horror and evil he dished out to me and his son, I am pleased to report that indeed some things do come full circle.

Take for example one of my family members. He shall remain nameless because I am never really sure if anyone in my family reads this. Anyway, this particular family member tormented me for dating and marrying a white man from the time I was 13 until long after my divorce. I was told to "become white" my son was referred to as a "half breed" and I endured countless years of just general bullshit and snide comments associated with the fact that I had the audacity to date, marry and procreate with a white man. These comments have caused my mother to disown, and cuss out this particular individual, but lets not get stuck on that, lets get to the karma portion.

Fast forward, this particular family member who has a child older than my child and this child is actually a grown adult now in the process of embarking on a very lucritive career. VERY LUCRITIVE. The racist ass family member is and has been pleased as punch with the prospect of his child's earning potential. What this family member wasnt particularly pleased with was his child's choice of girlfriend. A lil white girl from Boston. Anyway, Wednesday evening we got a phonecall stating that not only was this girl 5 months pregnant BUT everyone has known for months with the exception of racist family memeber and wife. That ladies and gentlemen is karma.

When I heard I actually burst into laughter. I figure it couldnt have happened to a nicer guy and now all those years of ridicule I endured will finally mean something. Sometimes when you refuse to learn the lesson that god presents to you, he finds another way for you to learn it. I am sure it wont be easy and I am sure that his son now has to think about how important his career is or how he plans to care for this child but it can be done, I know I am living proof. Maybe tolerance is something you cant just talk about when you think its appropriate or in polite company. Maybe you have to do more than pay it lip service, and what better way to do that then to be forced to love the very thing you have vowed to hate.

Personally, they have my love, support and blessings and I cant wait to welcome that baby into our family. I think there is a world of love to be gained from our family and not all of us are assholes. Some of us will love you and accept you no matter what color you come out.
In other news I would like to take this opportunity to send one up to the lord for him to take a moment to teach the exhusband a few lessons. Particularly the one about public humiliation and can I be there to see it is all I ask cause I feel like he is WAY overdue to learn something.
Just a suggestion.

Monday, November 20, 2006

NEWSFLASH: Racism Alive and Well In America

Yeah I am sure yall are shocked right?

Well guess what I was actually taken aback by this one. Michael Richards, the comedian who played Kramer on Seinfeld lost his mind on Friday during his stand up routine at The Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. Apparantly, he was being heckled by some black guys in the audiance, and I guess comedians dont get heckled anymore or something, because he came completely unglued (or as I like to call it, showed his true colors) and started screaming and calling them niggas. Take a look for yourself.

There was mass confusion apparantly because he must have been in the middle of his act when he decided to scream that and I quote "50 years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass." Hmm, did he just advocate lynching two people who paid to see his show? I mean someone spell it out for me cause I am obviously too stupid to see how that could mean anything other than lynching.

Then he proceeds to go off with a stream of "niggers" and "motherfuckers" that made my jaw drop. Folks started getting real upset in the audiance and the two guys proceed to leave. The guys start screaming at him on the way out, which for all intents and purposes seemed pretty mild to me. Most folks would have charged the stage and stomped the life out of him. These guys started name calling back. Richards tried unsuccesfully to make light of it by saying "They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger" but the damage was done, and folks were rolling out in droves.

Now, I personally never watched Seinfeld all that much. Mainly cause I figured I had other shit to watch in the same time slot, but it wasnt personal. I guess there are still a ton of folks who have us laughing every day that would just love to lynch us if we got out of pocket. Yes ladies and gents racism is still alive and we still have a long way to go.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Little Help???

When the hell did customer service go to shit? I just want to know because it seems like the more I deal with the service industry, the less service I get. Over the weekend when I was allowed out of the house under intense scrutiny and supervision, I found my ensemble for the black tie event I am attending tomorrow evening. No thanks to my mother and her sister who kept trying to make me look like a cross between a waitress and the entertainment. I don’t know what was going on with the two of them, but their choices for a black tie industry event were beyond questionable.

The first outfit was some sparkle-laden top that screamed "Enchanted Evening at the VFW". I QUICKLY shot that down. Then my mother found this skirt that was above the knee, black and had more ruffles than a damn petticoat. She attempted to pair this Harper Valley PTA nightmare with a white satin wrap top that had a big glittery broach attached to it. I tried to gently explain that this was an "industry" event, not the holiday party at Office Depot. My aunt (god love her) tried her best to step in and help. She picked out this floor length goddess number that I thought was beautiful...but I didn’t want folks to think I was channeling Diana Ross. I mean it was really nice, but it was sorta low cut in the front and really um...really just over the top. Then my mother suggested a bright green dress that I had spotted earlier this month and thought was really attractive, however I didn’t want to make that much of a statement in a room full of real estate folks.

I tried (unsuccessfully) to explain again what I was looking for. A dressy suit of some sort, with a touch of color for the top. Something that said sophisticated but also said I had some damn style and I wasn’t about to either break into song or ask for the drink order. Of course they got irritated, (surprise surprise) and acted like I was being unreasonably picky. I think they were thinking Holiday Party, while I am thinking Work. Anyway, I finally stumbled into EXACTLY the right outfit but now you all know the drama doesn’t stop there. Apparently, don’t know my own size. The size 10 slacks that I thought were perfect were obviously too tight for my mother's taste. Did I mention she is a 14 but wears a 1x because she thinks everything is too tight?

I try the thing on, and she says all loud and wrong "Those are way too tight, get the 12's". I argue my case by explaining that the 12's fell down around my ankles and that they do not fit in the waist or crotch. She protests and tells me that the 10's (again loud as fuck) are entirely too tight and that they are (and I quote) grabbing me in the ass. Did I say this was going on in front of like 20 people in the store? No, well I meant to give you that mental picture and now you have it. I try again to explain that the 10's fit in the waist, and maybe they are a little snug in the thigh, but the jacket will cover the problem area as will the top I chose and that there is no reason to by too big pants when these are just fine. Why did I do that? Why lord?

Auntie decides to chime in and bring her "your ass is too big" two cents to the discussion. At that point to keep from being groped and pulled at in front of complete strangers and have the size of my posterior called into question at full volume, I gave in. My mother is taking in the too large pants as I type this. We had a full on pinning session where she hiked the pants under my armpits and argued with me again about where I normally wear my pants. Its just too much folks, I mean if she wants to play Suzie Seamstress let her, but let it be known the pants are too damn big.

So you are saying, what the hell has this got to do with customer service. Sorry, I am getting there, I just needed yall to feel my pain for a moment. So, the top and matching clutch to the outfit are a very soft gold. I had seen a pair of shoes in Nordstrom that I thought would match perfectly, so after being humiliated in front of a rack of strangers I was then allowed to go see about the shoes.

I didn’t find the shoes I had initially envisioned for the outfit, but I did find another pair that were a much better match. That’s when shit went awry. I picked up the shoe and started heading for these two young (maybe 17) male sales associates. You know that look when someone wants to run? That caged animal, which way do I turn look? They both had it. It was like they were mentally drawing straws as to who was going to get stuck helping me. The little white one came up short and the black one fled. I showed him the shoe, told him my size and sat down. 10 min later he returned looking bewildered. He came over and I said "Did you have them?" I shit you not, the boy said "I found the box" and stood there in my face like one of us was crazy. A damn box? WTF do I do with a box? This fool walks away!!! He goes back over to the same kid he was with when I walked up and they stand there. Looking completely ignorant. Now maybe I still had some anesthetic or Tylenol in my system because if you know me, you know that this is a situation that is about to get ugly fast. He must have seen my face and he moseyed back over and said "They sold them without the box" and walked away again. I was starting to think I was being Punk'd. That’s when my momma and auntie rolled up and demanded I go sit down and eat lunch.

I tried to explain that I was about to put foot to ass but they weren’t trying to hear it. Apparently I had been out of my cage too long already, and they meant business. Here is my question though. What was really going on with those kids? This is Nordstrom first off, the pinnacle of customer service, the same place a lady returned tires to. How do you screw up a shoe sale. Second, how about offering me a similar style or another size? Third don’t work if you don’t want to. Its obvious you two get plenty of room and board at home with mommy and daddy, do not mess with my shopping experience cause you are mad you got a holiday job. Finally, who hired these little bastards cause I want to know what type of drugs they were taking when they did it. "Hey that’s great you have no work ethic you're hired!"

Needless to say I went back yesterday and got my damn shoes in a half size lower. They fit fine, but they would have known that had they asked me. So I ask you, where did all the service go in customer service? What happened to taking pride in your job? What happened to the customer is always right? I was a waitress for a lot of years and though I am not typically a people person, I was very friendly, helpful and efficient because that’s where my money came from. If I wanted to eat, I had to be good at my job, and I was even when I didn’t like it. Even when I was tired or sick or angry about some homelife shit. Someone let me know, cause I don’t understand it.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Slow Your Roll...Literally

Well the surgery is over, and I have to say that things really went well. I still feel icky and sore but I am overall okay. No serious pain and no real trauma even though I probably was their weepiest patient ever. I just didn’t keep it together well I gotta be honest. Its funny how you can let a doctor break your nose on purpose and never shed a tear but the idea of an invasive surgery that was over in less than an hour could send me into uncontrolled sobs. I will never figure myself out.

Anyway, there were plenty of really great people who made me feel better and sent me wonderful flowers and chocolates. "The Boyfriend" sent a beautiful bouquet with chocolates that my mother was truly excited about...the chocolates not the flowers. My job sent me a beautiful bouquet too with my absolute favorite flowers. I don’t know about you but flowers really do make me feel better. Oh wait I was a florist once, so maybe it’s just me. I am truly excited by green corsage tape and creating arrangements. I am studying "the boyfriends" bouquet so see just how they put it together because that’s an art.

I truly have some of the best friends in the world. They have been calling and emailing and doing all sorts of stuff to make sure I am okay. Dia and themakeupgirl are coming over tomorrow and I hope to guilt them into taking me to T.G.I.Friday's for lunch. I even have some folks who have been super nice to me during this that I think don’t really like me and just put up with my’s a long story.

So now I can’t run around lifting shit and running marathons or anything strenuous. Not that I was going to anyway, I mean I don’t really want to do any of that anyway but it’s the principal of the thing. After one day I have a wicked case of cabin fever and I was trying to read this damn article on the rejection of a residential project in VA right before the surgery. It was the last thing I thought about as I went under and one of the first things I thought about as I was getting up afterwards. Damn you Loudoun County, damn you Washington Post!

I even found my black tie outfit for the Real Estate event I am going to next month, but only cause I BEGGED my mother and her sister to let me out of the house with them. Of course they regulated every step and I was back home as fast as I left. Small victories people. So between cups of tea and Tylenol I have been picking around on my blogs and chatting with my homegirls and watching a TON of TV. It’s just impossible for me to be still for too long. Lunchtime rolled around and I wanted to go to the bank and over to Moby Dick for a chicken Kabob. Correction, I wanted to guilt Miko into going with me to Moby Dick for chicken Kabob, but since she is on her diet she would tell me no and I would go to the bank instead.

Uggh I think I miss work what is wrong with me? I just wanted to say thank you all for the well wishes and the words of support and prayers. Truly they were ALL appreciated and helpful and I thank yall for talking me down off my ledge and out of my angry attitude. I hope I never have to do this again, and I hope you guys dont have to see me like that either. Its not cute I know.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

An Open Letter to K-Fed

Dear Kevin,

Wow, I just heard! I guess the fairytale is over. Just as your career was launching you into superstardom too! I just cant imagine the pain you are feeling right now. This is the mother of two of your children. You both started off so strong, so chaotic, but now this. She went and got her old body back and everything that bitch. You should call up John Cena and see if he will let you hang out. Yall can trade corny white boy rapper catch phrases. Maybe it will take away some of the sadness.

If you don’t want to get a real job, that’s okay too. You can also keep peddling your album, and doing shows and tours all over America. That is bound to help pay for a few of the Ferarri payments, a modest apartment somewhere in the valley and those Tall Tall T's that you seem so fond of these days. Anyway, I just wanted to be the first to tell you how sorry I was, and that even though you wont have a lot of money, you better get me my damn child support on time. My Moesha checks ran out years ago, so don’t let me catch you slippin Earl. Bitch betta have my money, you hear me?

Your First Baby Momma (and don’t you forget that shit)
Shar Jackson

Monday, November 06, 2006

Another Open Letter to Terell Owens

Dear T.O.,

I know you really arent trying to hear from us today but we just had to drop you a line. Look man, we saw what happened yesterday and well frankly we cant believe it either. I mean it should have been an easy win. They looked ripe for the picking to us, but you never know with these east-coast teams. Just when you think youve got it all sewn up, they go and pull that Novak kid out of their ass and game over.

I gotta admit you were trying to work it out for a while there, seven catches, and a touchdown, but then you dropped your homeboy's deep ball. I mean you threw a tizzy to get Bledsoe out and Romo in, but when push came to shove you just couldnt hang on. Then there was that messy personal foul in the third where you decided to take a nappy nap on the game ball just to taunt the Skins. Something tells us you are somewhere right now curled up in that same fetal position but thats not important.

Anyway, its not your fault Vanderjack kicked low. The face-mask incident wasnt your fault either, but hey that dropped ball is yours honey, you keep that one under your pillow or your game ball at night which ever works best for ya. So, we are just writing to say we care, we understand and shoot we've had some losses in the last few weeks too. Just to show there are no hard feelings, we'll take care of the Redskins for you this weekend. Its the least we can do.

Your Pals,
The Eagles

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I Know Your Type I Know Your Kind, You're Quick To Back Down

Widebody security homeboy at “the boy’s” school needs to dial it down just a notch. Apparently, missing the school bus and having your mother drop you off now no longer qualifies as a valid reason to be tardy. Riddle me this Fatman Scoop? How are you going to be drunk off your own pseudo power being a middle school security guard? I mean how does that work exactly?

Standing there growling at the kids and got’em shook. Oh and trust it wont work in your favor to be nasty to my ass. No siree chief, I am not an 8th grader and I am not going to run if you buck at me. I will however ruin your damn day if I get half a chance. Its not like I am happy with that school anyway. No wonder my son was so scared to go in and get a pass.

I was quick to let him know that I didn’t appreciate his tone or his scare tactics when he said “What’s he late for?” I explained that he missed the bus and his response was, “Well that’s not a real reason for being tardy” looks at my son and says “Go to class”. Yeah, yall can guess how it went from there. I got right up on him and politely (in that what the fuck did you just say to me tone) asked him exactly WHICH reason, was a valid one because driving himself and staying home alone weren’t options. He blurted out “um he coulda been sick”. So I said “yeah, sick” snatched the pass paper and signed it full and bold as hell across three of the damn sections. I looked at him and said “We good?” Bookman nodded and my son got his pass. I again state that they know not who the fuck with.

Who is this guy? Don’t let me catch him in the street. I wanna see him go hard in the Giant, with some damn adults watching. That “Security” shit aint real. You are breaking up kiddie fights and making sure they don’t skip. Its not like you are in the damn Secret Service. You aren’t a State Trooper, just bring it in. Quit trying to scare children all ya life. Fake ass rental cop. I bet my ex-husband is like that when he guards the fountain at the Mall he works for. Chasing little children with his tin badge and flashlight. Just sad as hell.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Ring The Alarm

Is Avin gonna have to choke a bitch? What is with people getting so close to my new car??? Three times in the last two days some nutcase has swerved into my lane causing me to shout obscenities and flip the bird. Uggh what is with people?? Apparently, what I didn’t realize about driving the bucket was that no one wants to damage a crappy car, but EVERYONE wants to take a crack at a new one. I am just super nervous and shaky on the road now. Watching everyone’s next move, hoping they don’t have some sort of death wish and no insurance. Its nerve-wracking!

The fact that I only have two CD’s isn’t really helping me either. Super-smart Avin packed up all her CD’s and put them in a big box that went to storage. I guess at the time I didn’t have a clue that I would have an actual radio, let alone a CD’s player or a new vehicle, so what did I need CD’s for? So I have been listening to Lil John’s Kings of Crunk and Eminem’s Marshal Mathers LP for the past three days. Not that there is anything wrong with either, I just don’t think that the music is matching my mood. It’s a little hostile for a lady with a happy new car.

In other news I have 9 days till my surgery. Do I feel better about it now? Nope. Am I less angry about it? Hell NO! That is neither here nor there considering its going to occur, and though I feel like I am shouting “HEY I AM SCARED HERE PEOPLE” everyone seems to think I will be just fine. I guess its sort of comforting that people believe I am that strong on a regular basis, but basically folks I just play calm really well…especially in front of an audience.

Oh and I started another blog for those that don’t know. Its called 99products (but a bitch aint one, LOL) and its strictly a beauty blog, so none of that crazy talk, cussing and fussing over there for good old Avin. I know you’re thinking I am crazy for even attempting it, but with the help of some good friends and fellow product bloggers I feel confident that I can keep it clean. Of course you know that doesn’t bode well for Avin’s Day. A girl has to express herself somehow, and damn it that means I gotta curse.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go, I have to make some angry phone calls to “the boy’s” school about what is going on up and through there. Professor Jackass is at it again and thanks to his unit test my son had an anxiety attack. I got a less than warm reception when I spoke with his guidance counselor yesterday, so I am expecting more of the same today. I have my game face on and my Eagles Fan attitude at the ready. Pray for them, for they know not who they fuck with.