Friday, May 29, 2015

Feelin Myself

Breaking news people. I have decided to embark on an epic journey. One that can only be traversed alone. I will see things that I have never seen, experience life in a a new and fantastic sometimes absurd way. I have waited until I am close to the precipice of my 40th year on this here planet to undertake this epic adventure. I my dear friends and family am 39. I must be out of my damn mind!

Most of you already know that the original boy is 22 and enjoying his Junior year at college so I am sure you are wondering why in the name of everything correct would I go and get knocked up now? When he is so close to being out of my pocket and out in the real world. Well it would only be right if somehow I were the very first of my group to have a child and then somehow be the very last. Girls I went to school with are grandparents now. That's no exaggeration, there are like 7 of them. I counted. These kids are toddlers too, not newborns. I am unfashionably late to this party and I showed up unable to drink your liquor or eat your fancy charcuterie/soft cheese/raw fish hors d'oeuvres. How about them apples?

All this fussing I am doing ehh just ignore me. My husband is so happy he could just explode. This is his first baby and a boy at that so he feels like he his the damn jackpot. I honestly feel like I did too. First off, I didn't want to do hair. I don't want to do my own as evidenced by this Side Show Bob mess on my dome. Next, girls like accessories, and colors, and other things I don't do well. Every woman I know was praying I was having a girl but twas not to be. I am happy as hell I am getting another boy. I did a bang up job with the first and I plan on doing the same with the second. Y'all can keep your boy band posters, barrettes, dresses and barbies. I am good. This does make me slightly outnumbered by 4 in the household but I don't really care. there are worse problems to have IMO (like not being able to eat sushi, lunch meat, soft cheese or wine) so I guess I will survive.

I have another 6 months to go and right now I am a pretty manageable size. I am low-key agitated that no one can tell I am pregnant with this basketball I am sporting up front. First off, if you look at me and aren't thinking pregnant are you thinking I am just fat right in the middle? Like who looks like this that isn't pregnant? I am fully confused! I cant get a damn seat on the train, people wont make eye contact and all I want to do is scream "I'm not fat I am pregnant you ninny!" Seriously, where are people shaped like this that aren't pregnant? I want to know!

Our anniversary just passed last week and things are still wonderful despite the leggy greedy guy in my gut telling me when to sleep, eat, pee and forget things. He is already pushy as fuck. God only knows what the sweet little long legged angel is doing in there most days. There probably wont be another post until after he shows up cause I forget this thing exists and well no one reads it anymore. Its nice for me though. Off to go eat!

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What can or should I say about the last 5 months? There's been triumph and tragedy and joy and sorry and new friends and obstacles. What can I say? I can start with the good. My son is doing well in school, I love my husband and our marriage, I am officially an SGI Budhist and I am employed and finishing my last 8 credits. All of these things and my wonderful friends and family are great. The other shit... I am tired all the time, and broke. I have possibly the most unhappy person on the planet as my boss and I am fat cause I can't work out between the two jobs and school. If that weren't enough my dad has the remainder of his kidney removed in October due to another tumor, resetting his transplant clock to two years at the one year and 5 month mark. Devastating news for us all and before he can heal up we get the crazy news that mom has breast cancer. So one week out from intense chemo for what we thought was stage 1 but after surgery turned out to be stage 3, we are just trying to make the best of it all. For her, cause not to sound cliche but why the fuck her? Granted, if it's gonna be someone, Cancer picked the toughest bitch available. My momma wasn't built with any quit in her. So even though I know it's gonna be bumpy, she is gonna fight. You know those Internet memes that say stuff like "I was built for this shit?" That's mom. She possesses a mental toughness that most regular folks haven't ever seen. So fuck that Cancer. In the words of my husband. "If you see my mother in law in a fight with a bear, you better go help the bear." I will figure out how to feel about all this later. When I am less tired and my folks are healthy and I don't have a demon for a boss.