I must be having some sort of rebellious episode. If you know me personally you know that I am calmer and more settled than I have ever been in my life these days. I am reasonable, and I don’t usually rush to flip out. These things my friends are new things. New things that the old Avin was not aware existed. Not flipping out is new, compromise is new and not threatening to fight, kill, break bones or burn down things is a HUGE step for me. I have just been calm and it’s been good. It’s something I have gained a lot of pleasure from and I think I have grown leaps and bounds personally.
I say all this to preface my coming statement about rebellion. Folks, I am stifled and I am bored and I want to scream and act a pure fool. I don’t want to wear my hair reasonably, nor do I want to smile and make nice. I want another tattoo, I want to listen to Cypress Hill and La Coka Nostra on 10. I want to watch UFC while putting down a six pack of Miller Lite (bottle please no cans and dont think of offering me a damn glass or a straw) while wearing baggy jeans and timbs. I want my old damn life back and I dont want it to dry up and blow away like its doing. I am mad that I am not louder or faster, or wittier or meaner or just plain more me every damn day that I get a chance. I hate hair dye and concealer and advil after a work out. I want my damn cigarettes back, I don’t want to stop at two drinks and I don’t wanna have to put on moisturizer every damn day of my life. I am turning 31, and I am pissed off. I am becoming my damn mother and it sucks ass. This reasonable reliable Avin that crept in and took over my world is just maddening, and I think I am going on strike.
Maybe it’s a 1/3 life crisis because that would make sense to me. I am at the oldest of my friends but no where near the sanest. Or maybe just maybe I’ve been too reasonable, too sensible, too fucking likable and happy for my own good and I am realizing that perhaps it doesn’t quite fit. It’s like a pair of really cute sensible shoes that cut across the instep and its slowly working on my sanity. So I am on strike against 31, and being a damn sensible doormat. I'll be at the tattoo place if anyone needs me.
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5 comments:
Can I roll with you? I need some new ink or maybe a new purse. But I am feeling you on the 1/3 life crisis. My old body is just trying to falling apart. Damn, getting old is not as fun as old people said it would be.
Awww sis, it aint that bad!! You are having just that. It just so happens, that I had my 1/3rd life crisis right after I moved here with Tyler. I wanted my old life back superbad...it gets better trust me.
Lesson One in growing old gracefully. Let go of trying to be TOO young. Keep the things that make you feel young in a good way, but let go of the stuff that just isn't for you anymore. If you hold on to the stuff you should be growing out of it means you are not growing into the new stuff waiting for you. Don't worry fun doesn't end around 30 it keeps getting better if you let it. Find an Anti-mentor. You know the older person in the young crowd trying to be something they are not. It's just sad and you don't want it to be you.
Believe me I didn't want to let go of the "rock star" days, but when I did life got much better.
Oh and just accept that you will NEVER get your 20 year old body back.
NEVER.
Sounds like you need another 2 1/2 hour dinner at Uno's to unwind. You pick a date or shall I?
Honestly, as a founding member of the "I've moved back to Moms house way too many times" club...I know the agony you are in. If you ever need to chat or bitch and moan...call me!
Oh, yeah, and if you need a tattoo partner, I'm still trying to get those angels inkied...(going on 3 years now...)
I have been feeling the same way. Reading your post put a smile on my face. Thanks!
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