Ive been robbed people! ROBBED, or as the boyfriend so eloquently put it when I told him "someone caught you slippin and you won't ever see that joint again" thanks baby, you sure know how to make a girl feel good.
Sometime Tuesday evening during dinner my iPhone went missing. Just up and grew legs and walked right out of my life. I wasn't too worried at first, as soon as I realized it was absent I called back to the restaurant and asked them to go look for it. Of course it was no where to be found. The guy on the phone said that once the cleaning was done it would probably turn up. I assumed as much and went back to my lumpy ass hotel bed to try to catch a few winks.
So for the first whole day that my beloved iPhone was missing I just decided to be in denial. Someone would be kind enough to turn it in right? Someone somewhere would find it, feel my pain and sadness from losing the one constant in my life. The most counted on and treasured item I own. So I just didn't think about it. This morning I woke up in my lumpy ass hotel bed in a cold sweat. My phone, its out there somewhere, cold alone, and off! Sadness washed over me like I assume soap and water would wash over Jim Jones if he had ever had a bath before. I wanted to throw myself in front of that damn sorry ass trolley that keeps ding, ding, dinging past my window every 3 minutes. Depressed? Yeah you could say that. Dramatic? Well, if you know me then you know full well how I feel about that phone.
I should have guessed that my poor phone wasn't safe here in a city full of cowboys and geeks. I mean its an IT convention! I haven't ever seen a more busted bamma ass group of folks all gathered together in one spot in all my 32 years. So now I sit using this crank powered piece of shit office phone trying not to think about all the things that I could be doing with my iPhone like listening to my Hall & Oates Greatest Hits or sending out funny text messages. I am just disturbed all the way around. So I called AT&T to see what if anything could be done to locate my best friend, and let me just tell you that I should have saved my Verizon minutes.
That motherfucker was so not helpful AT ALL. Then to add insult to injury he tells me that I cant replace my beloved phone because Steve Jobs is unveiling a new version next week, which wont be available for purchase till the end of the month and I will probably have to sell a kidney to get.
How will I Google song lyrics now people??? How can I effectively judge the distance between my condo and the coldstone if I cant map it from the palm of my hand? I wonder if it was that vendor guy we ate dinner with. He was extra shady and seemed a lil too interested in my phone. Call the coroner! There's gonna be alot of slow singin and flower bringin if my iPhone starts ringing. I did tell you that the thing is not on right? Either someone thinks they are slick or they just haven't found a place to hook it up yet. I am waiting on those bastards. Seriously I am starting to think it was that vendor guy. He was WAY too friendly. So people, if you know me, hit me up one mail and give me your contact info again and pray for me, cause I have a 2+hour flight back to civilization tomorrow and I have to do it without the dulcet tones of Mariah, Estelle, Lil John or Steely Dan. I never thought I would quote a child molester but "Heaven I Need A Hug"
There will be updates people....Trust and believe!