100% USDA Grade A Bitch

So my stepbrother darkened our damn doorstep last night. I don’t know why he even bothers to visit. He is the phoniest bastard on the planet with all his "heeeyyy Avin" and shit. I think he only continues to do that cause I seem to be the only one in the family not completely snowjobed by his fake ass ways. I don’t fuck with him, I don’t talk to him, and I don’t have to. Basically, he is a con artist. Always has been from the time he was young, and even though we weren’t really young together, (there is a decent 10 year age gap) nor did we grow up in the same household, I have always known that he wasn’t about shit.

At 20 he came to live with us and proceeded to treat our house like his own personal Playboy mansion. I would come off the bus to him hustlin some bitch with a bad weave out of the house or trying to clean up the Jacuzzi area or just basically acting a monkey. I didn’t tell on his ass most times, even when I caught him and Fonceilia (yes you read that right) in his room. I was like 10 so what the fuck did I really care?

Then shit started going missing around the house. Little shit like alarm clocks and irons then it started being big shit like checkbooks and drivers licenses and jewelry. I came home one day to a knock down drag out fight between he and dad and he didn’t return after that.

Then the bounced checks started rolling in, and they informed us that he had been picked up for passing bad checks with some dude using my dad's checkbook and ID. That was his first trip to the clink. He got out, took up with some new girl with an equally stupid name and proceeded to hand out invitations to his wedding at his sister's (not me) wedding reception! Him and Kikoko or Misono or whatever the fuck her name was were being mad ignorant with it too, not that handing out invites at a reception isn’t ignorant already.

Then he and Mykiko or whatever, split up and we get a call that he is back at the "gated community" for credit card fraud. Anyway from there it was just a string of shit, gambling debts and jail, stealing from his mother and jail, robbing someone on the street for their company bank deposit and jail of course. That time the cops came banging on our door and who should they get but me. I don’t know jack about my stepbrother other than he is a thief and a con, so all that D.O.B, current address, height and weight shit was lost on me. I gave them my dad's number at work and went back to bed (fuckin 7 am and I worked nights) I didn’t have time for that shit. Then he lost his mind and did the ultimate, this fool robbed a damn bank. Why they didn’t set the jail on top of him and throw out the key is beyond my comprehension, but he got somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 years, I think he only served 5. Fucking bootleg justice system.

So he reappeared from his "stay" and everyone started acting like he was all good again. I of course know better, but you know all that debt paying and shit had them confused. My dad let him stay with us AGAIN. This was during that year where my ex-husband was in Korea, and I worked at a job that paid me cash. I let them know early that if one dollar was missing out of my money that I would call the cops before he could finish saying his new girlfriend's name.

Anyway, he came and went without incident and managed to take up with this 19 year old girl and get her pregnant almost immediately. Poor thing, I shudder to think about that poor little girl and her mother sometimes. So he got a job working for his mother AGAIN, because he is too good to do work that doesn’t require him to wear a suit and tie everyday (non degree havin asshole) and his mommy is rich. She pays for his car and his apartment and his child support and he uses his paycheck to gamble and impress stupid women.

So I didn’t hear much about or from him for a long time, till he showed up unannounced at the house one day and managed to find a way to finally try and con me out of my cash. He parked his shit can vehicle right up under the spare tire on my Rav4 and I didn’t realize how close he was as I was leaving. I "TAPPED" his car producing zero damage. This is where I fucked up. I told him I tapped the car. Con artist must have seen dollar signs and started immediately bitching about how his hood was damaged.

Now, the car was a joke to begin with, so I don’t even know how he managed to pull that off with my dad, but some how he did! He convinced dad that it would cost $800 to fix his hood from the damage I supposedly caused. Dad wrote the body shop a check and proceeded to ask me to refund his money. My mother actually wound up paying it which had I known she was going to do, I would have begged her not to. I couldn’t afford to pay that clown $800 for a non existent scratch. Well, I coulda gave him $20 a month for 3 years but didn’t even see how that was fair.

6 months later we are going to his grandmother's funeral, and Con-job is following us when I notice something interesting. There hasn’t been any body work done to his shit can car. Not one bit. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to get that money from the body shop dad wrote the check out to. I wouldn’t have been so mad about it, but that fool was planning on robbing me like that and instead robbed my mother! I pointed that shit out too. I wanted everyone to know they had been had yet again.

So another year or so passes and that bitch shows up at the house with his new flavor of the week woman. Yet another attempt to impress a bitch with shit you don’t own, but never mind all that. This asshole actually has the balls to bring up the car incident and talk about how I destroyed the hood of his car. Yall can already guess how this went cant you?

I lost my fucking mind. Seriously, if I coulda fought him I would have right there but instead I commenced to cussing his ass out and rolling out every last one of his con jobs, arrests and misdeeds in front of Quintessha or whoever. I let loose on his ass and I cant even tell you how many bitches and motherfuckers he was that night. I think he really believed he had gotten away with it and no one knew. I set his ass straight on that shit, and I let him know then that he might be able to fool everyone else, but I knew he was a bitch and a thief from way back and he would never get another fucking dime out of me or my mother, trust and believe. I even added for good measure that he should go cry to mommy about how mean I was to him, maybe she would pay an extra month of his rent at 35 years old. I know, cruel but necessary.

After that I washed my hands of him. I don’t engage in conversation with him, I don’t have need to be in the same room with him, and I damn sure don’t give a fuck about nothing that happens with or to him. We are done, and I am good on him forever. Oh yeah I think that was the visit he stole more checks from my father and had his account bouncing again to the tune of $2000. If I had to bet I would say something was missing from the house on last nights visit too, but I cant call it. They wanna keep pretending he isn’t a thief or a liar, then that’s on them, but he has no more times to mess with me. None.