Monday, February 07, 2011

All I Want Is You

Or in the case of some women, all they want is anyone who will take them. So, there is this other blog that I read on a daily basis. Of course I am totally a lurker and I never ever comment, but just recently he has has a guest blogger on talking about relationships. She in turn did a fabulous post on the art of the chase called "Who's the Rabbit" which totally spoke to me. Not personally, because for the first time in about 17 years I do not have any relationship issues. Basically, it spoke to me because I have so many female friends who are content to be the rabbit (which isn't a bad thing mind you) but the lazy, whiny, injured and pathetic rabbit. You know, the limpy rabbit that the wolf decides is WAY easier to catch and dismember than the fast moving bunny? Sigh, so many times women have convinced themselves that they have no active role in the chase. So you are pretty, and so you are thin (for now) and you've got all the flyest clothes and shoes that your maxed out little credit card can buy. Gold star for you I guess, but what happened to having any substance and really what happened to not falling into the arms of the first dude you meet every.damn.time.

No one is saying you have to be Ms. Hardcase but please for the love of god stop being the low hanging fruit. I have one friend who is going to marry every man she has ever dealt with. Now, they aren't aware of this fact and most times once they catch wind they get gone fast, but she seriously has NO standards. They can be broke, corrupt, boring, ugly, diseased (sorry but its true) too young, too old, perpetual liars, have no job, no car, no future and she will still take them. Every time its the same scenario, she gets too close too fast, introduces them to her kids (like that has ever stopped a man from leaving) and starts planning the wedding. She is 40 and I would chalk it up to her biological clock but she already has two kids and she has been doing this since she was 22 (I shit you not). Every break up is the end of the world, and every man was the one. Even if he left you stranded three states away and took your bank card and car.

I suggested (stupid me) that perhaps she might want to look within for answers as to why this was happening, and then she got pissed off. Seriously people, I know how much we hate admitting that we have issues, but if you cant honestly look in the mirror and go "you know what, I might have done XYZ or I might need some help with my self esteem" then you are just doomed to repeat the same behavior patterns time and time again. BTW this particular breakup has been going on since September. As usual I am trying to be supportive, but her willingness to curl into the fetal position and die is just astonishing to me. When was that ever okay? Sure, you are hurt and it sucks and maybe you were blindsided by it, but there are ways to handle it. First off, if you really want to wallow in your own self pity, then at least do it right. Get on the couch, get fatty foods, cry your weekend away and on Monday morning get your ass out the bed and paint on whatever smile is gonna march your ass through it, and keep moving. Seriously, if you have time to let this consume your whole life then you need more to do. I am blindsided when its time to go get my brows waxed again. That's how busy my life is. Crying for weeks and months? In who's world?

Also, if you aren't going to do anything about the fact that you've chosen to be pathetic and broken (and lets be honest, you chose that) then do not be shocked when things don't change. Don't be angry when you are still sitting up crying cause you still answer his calls and he decided to use you as a punching bag. Seriously, don't do that. It makes you look completely insane. Furthermore, I cant figure out why you would want anyone to know that they have broken you like that. I got my shit rocked at a fitness class one time and wouldn't let the instructor see me limp away I'll be damned if I ever let some man think he broke me. When did it become okay to show the world you are beaten? Even if you gotta fake it till you make it that's way better than letting life (or some dumb ass man) kick you when you are down.

I use her as the example but really a lot of them are the same. I have friends who turn a blind eye to blatant disrespectful fuckery and cheating. I have friends who go back to the same abusive asshole time and time again. I have friends who think if they are subserviant enough that a man will value them. I have friends who nod and smile and agree with any and everything a man has to say and I have friends who are just like the Perils of Pauline. Always tied to the railroad tracks waiting to be rescued. God forbid I suggest to any of them that they pick themselves up and march forward. You would think I asked them to kill a puppy! Its like the idea of being responsible for ones own misery is an affront to their femininity. Ladies I promise you can still be cute and strong. You can still care about yourself and how people treat you and wear a dress. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I know that I have probably mentioned it before but perhaps the reason I am not doing any and everything I can to please a man is because I was already married. I already have a child. I already know that none of these things changes a damn thing if you are already damaged. You just spend your time damaging your kid or ruining a marriage. Without the incessant tick of a biological clock, I am free to care about one thing. ME and I do care. There is no man I would ever put above my own safety or mental health. There is no prize large enough to make me blindly follow somone who clearly doesnt have my best interest at heart. Sorry, but my mother taught me better than that. It stinks of desperation. Oh and women if you think a man cant smell this type of desperation, fear and self pity all over you, you are sadly mistaken. You are nothing but prey. Easy pickins to be later discarded. It hangs on you like a cheap coat and its not at all attractive. They see you cowering over every little thing, they see your daring but desperate outfit, they know you shouldn't be your age in the damn club looking for a relationship, and they know damn sure well that you shouldn't have bought that lie they just told or that coat they are wearing either. Just have some pride about yourselves. They are hungry, and you are gonna get ate.

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