Saturday, July 16, 2005

My first blog

Creating a blog was never in my mind until I realized how much I have to bitch about. This week I have more than usual. Let me start by telling you a bit about good old Avin. Avin (yeah this is gonna be one of those hated 3rd person narratives) is your atypical 20-something (pushing 30 but hey, only my mother can prove that) with a shitty job, crazy friends, a son who people mistake for her brother and an inordinate love for all things bizarre. With the exception of a few bright points, life basically sucks. She only derives pleasure from things that make the rest of the world scratch their collective heads.

  1. I ride metro to work every day and yes you will hear a lot about my adventures.
  2. I have a boyfriend who is even stranger than I am who's name I will protect for reasons I cant talk about.
  3. I have an ex-husband who went from Hip-hop to Hee-haw in a few short years.
  4. I love television. Especially anything reality based.

Which brings me to my first official rant. I used to wholeheartedly believe that the devil took up residence in that country fuck I call an exhusband, but I was clearly mistaken.
About a year ago, while being forced to watch WWE with my boyfriend, I realized that the devil is none other than the wrestler John Cena.

Come on folks, you know this guy. He is the self absorbed, modern day Al Jolson wearing that Home Depot chain and Master Lock. The one with the shitty ass catch phrase "You cant see me!" waving his retarded ass hand in front of his face like a fool. The one who now has his own fuckin record!! Gimme a damn break! I thought at first it had to be some joke. You know, WWE is notorious for creating off the wall characters who step on the line of racism, playing on every stereotype regular law abiding folks were told not to go within 50 feet of.

Where in the hell are Spike Lee, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton when you need them!!! Not that I like any of them mufuggas, I just hate this guy worse! Who in the hell decided that this guy deserved his own CD???

With that said...I am officially putting in my bid for the removal of this clown from the human race. See, its all fun and games till some wack ass idiot comes along to disturb the planet's delicate balance. Race relations are already strained and here comes this fool. Now, Avin doesn't particularly hate wrestling. Avin actually finds the struggle between JBL and Batista to be comical. I am even intrigued by what might be the secret that good old Eddie Guerrera might be holding over poor Rey Mysterio (619 mufuggas). But this guy I just cant take. Something about him riles me like a fuckin attack dog, and don't think it was easy for me to go and post his crappy ass picture on my page. That shit was torture to say the least.

So, this morning, while watching one of my favorite shows, Best Week Ever on VH1, minding my own damn business while downing redbull and smoking Marlboros, This ass clown pops up on my screen!!! Now, I know the neighbors think I am crazy, but I am sure they were interested in calling the cops today (kinda like that time when the goat cookers were having a party until the wee hours of the morning and listening to nothing but Ja Rule: "hello, yes I'd like to report a domestic disturbance") I basically screamed at the top of my lungs. "Oh not this bastard!" WTF could he possibly have to add to this show with the exception of his extra wackness? Then the low budget Vanilla Ice proceeds to plug his new corny CD?? Flag on the play folks! 5 min penalty, do not pass go! You've gotta be kidding me! This is when I realize I spend way to much time watching tv. Sad but true. In any event, if someone has an idea for how to get this assclown in blackface off my TV I would be very appreciative. I might even find a way to somehow repay the individual.

Beyond that, I need to go, the pictures are starting to fuck with my sanity, and I may start trashing my own apartment in a fit of rage.

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