I am a terrible spiteful, evil thing for neglecting my own blog for the safety and hilarity of others. I have committed whole blocks of time to the reading of my beloved “gossip rags” and yet every time I think about my poor excuse for a blog I cringe.
Why when I have a wealth of opportunity and material working here at this job. Why when I could discuss such great topics as my new fat boss and her many nicknames. *sidebar* just know that if its pork related, it’s her I am referring to. I could discuss my best friend and her new business as she has gone and appointed me her “MAC Cosmetic’s Correspondent” Somehow she manages to update her blog every stinking day. I could discuss Oprah’s Legend’s Ball/Weekend and how I fought back tears just watching the damn thing and no I don’t give a damn that Mariah’s naked again thank you! Just watch the show and shut up. I could go over all of my favorite show’s season-enders and how my addiction to LOST has now infected my boyfriend. I still can’t visit those eerie ass websites though. Some shit is too much even for me. I could chat about my oh so hum drum life and how I am feuding with my apartment people for like the 50-11th time in 5 years because everything in my apartment is broken including the ceiling. Perhaps I could regale you with stories of my super cute pup Maddie or my super crazy mother Carolyn or my super mental boyfriend?
I could discuss all these things at length every stinking day; however I choose to waste my life away reading blog after blog about celebrities I will never meet or know. These are e-people who have taken both the time and the energy to make my life a little more joyous by showing me pictures of Britney Spears falling, and Golden Brooks looking like the Chronicles of Noyadidnt. I am particularly embarrassed to report that while I have done zero updating since my bout with nicotine and my parting of ways with a former friend who shall remain nameless, I have actually been irritated when my favorite blogs haven’t been updated in a timely manner. The NERVE of me, I mean really! So here I sit, trying to discuss what could would or should be entertaining in the life of a woman working in the Maryland burbs. I can think of NOTHING. All I can think about is how I want to go home, how I wish I hadn’t read all my favorite blogs so damn early in the day, and how I hope Pork Belly doesn’t need me to do anything else this evening before I leave, and how I wish that my body looked remotely like this.
Damn you Furtado! Here I sit looking like a bag of Idaho Gold’s and you have the audacity to be thin! I am gonna overdose on tuna and Asian Salad from McDonalds.
Oh and MySpace is the EmmEffing Devil. I boycott it! I don’t believe in it, support it or acknowledge its existence. If I were able I would “crush it like a jelly bean” a la LL Cool J’s I’m bad video. Anti-Christ I tell you. I gotta go, looking at those pictures is starting to piss me off again.