Have I told you good people about my car? Well if I haven't you should look at this and come back. You done? Okay great.
With that joke in the can, let me tell you all about the new car nightmare that is unfolding at my house. First off for those that don't know or forgot, I was stupid enough to move back home with my parents at the end of September. Foolishly I though this might be less traumatic than the last time I lived here for 6 months back in 97.
Oh silly stupid me I must have been smoking that stuff my son did a paper in health class this week on. Btw when did they start telling kids that marajuana is deadly?
No matter, let me cut to the chase. My car is dying and not slowly. It is ingesting oil at an alarming rate and has started a clipse/pharell type of "grindin" that makes me think either I am going to loose a tire or the axle is going to snap. To say that its a death trap is an understatement of epic proportions.
I still drive it every day as it chugs its way to death. Now the logical question is why not just go get a new car. Excellent question my friends with an even better answer. I can't, I don't own the piece of shit. It belongs to the two professional irritants I live with...jointly so I can't sell it or trade it without thieir collective signatures.
Surely you say, they must see your radioless busted whip coughing down the driveway every morning right? You would think that but no, not these two. They believe that this is a magical car that will last into eternity and beyond. Those pesky 150k miles and dangerous sounds are mearly a figment of my spoiled and greedy imagination.
Now lets all just take a moment to reflect. Car dying, parents dilusional, no sale. Ohhh I forgot the best part. They have each had 4 cars a piece in the ten years I have owned the junk box. Altimas and Lexuses, Four-Runners and Pathfinders, Infinities, Mercedes, Cadilacs and Mazdas. Yes folks you name it they have owned it.
I am not even asking for help, I am just asking for the right to unload this hooptie. I don't even want the $7.13 the dealer would give me for it...or charge me to take it. No I just want it gone. Too bad they think its fine and dandy. Attitudes change when I offer them a ride though. Somehow no one wants to think about walking back to the house or breathing in the toxic fumes hot off the engine.
So after the boss sent me to the outskirts of VA again last week and my car started really showing out, they finally agreed to entertain the idea of letting it go. However not without a fee. That fee ladies and gents is my soul and what's left of my sanity.
I did my homework, I priced the car I wanted, I know I can afford it and I am more than ready. Its the best car for the least money and I am ready. Except now they want to shop around for a better deal.
Can you feel my anger through the screen? Its blinding and hot and is threatening to destroy me. Someone please tell me WHY they are involved in ANY WAY?? I am buying the car, not these two crackheads. Who cares what it costs if I am buying it? Dad get that fuckin Auto Trader magazine out of my face!
If I don't get my 07 Camry someone is gonna die in this piece and when I tell them what happened they will deem it justifyable homicide and set me free cause this is just crazy.
What did I do to deserve these people? Why lord did I move here and why have you forsaken me?? Why did I quit smoking!! I am going to go sneek a bottle of wine into my room now and cry.