Today I submit to you for your general entertainment this point to ponder If Avin wears white pants on a random Thursday after Memorial Day of course, and goes out to an Italian restaurant for lunch where the bulk of what is served is oily or tomato based, how long before the fashion disaster occurs? I am pleased to report that as of this moment, I have not destroyed said big white sized 12 pants with extra large ass inside. Yeayyyy for me! Day's not over folks.
I have a few topics to discuss today if I might. First, I was watching the news last night, and they were talking about an airbag theft ring. This story completely disturbed me as I could not get my brain around thieves wanting airbags. Now from what I gather, they are being sold to these bargain basement repair shops for a couple hundred dollars. Then you say "but why do you care Avin?" It’s simple really. I drive the extra shittiest of shitty vehicles. Okay maybe it’s not Ray Cash's Old School Delta 88, but lemme tell ya, my 10 year old Rav4 has seen better days. It still manages to get me from point A to point B, albeit slowly and while leaking oil, but it does the trick. The reason for my concern is this. I live at the corner of ghetto and gang, where I have been robbed on two separate occasions for my head unit. About a year ago I decided that I wasn’t providing anyone else with Kenwood gifts, so I just carried it and didn’t buy a radio.
Cute right? I might as well write OWNED across that picture. I just fuckin flat out refuse to buy a new damn radio. They aint getting me again damn it. For a while I would just listen to my ipod on the way to the metro. Then I quit the job with Hitler and started having to drive out here to west hell. Well I realized that there is a huge difference between listening to an ipod for a 5 min ride and having to listen to it for 45 min in both directions every day. So I broke down and got a radio...
Awww YEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH that shit is Fiyah Right??? Don’t hate don’t hate!! Yall aint fresh as I'miz...What you know about that???
Okay I am done trippin, seriously this shit has gotten me a rack of confused ass looks and big loud ass laughs. Folks have offered to buy me a new radio after looking at that thing. The best by far was my best friend Suzanne who got in and said "When did you get Sirus Satellite Radio?" Then she commence to cracking up so hard I almost put her ass out. This shit is demoralizing! So imagine me, no radio, empty dashboard having Avin, comes out her craptacular two bedroom closet for work and my airbags are gone. I mean, can you just feel what type of humiliation would come from that? I would have to just drive that bitch off a bridge. Seriously, am I really gonna replace airbags in a 10 year old bucket that doesn’t even have a radio? I don’t see it. So yeah, I am a touch paranoid about the airbag thieves, SUE ME.
Second topic - So You Think You Can Dance
And folks, don’t take that title so loosely, that shit is real. Most of these asshats (ashburnite's word) only "think" they can dance, cause physically that shit aint happening.
Case in point: Frozen Face Tap Dancer Girl
I will admit she was working the foot portion of the routine, but she looked dead from the neck up. She was just stunned into a botox stare. That shit was crazy, and then she had the nerve to say she was smiling afterwards. Girl you better run back that tape. You were doing no parts of smiling.
Next up: Ghetto Ballet Lorenzo Lamas
Seriously, this dude is exactly why I got involved in psychology. If I had finished that damn degree I could be living in an Estate home off what his delusional brain could yield alone. This clown tells some hokie ass darkness of evil, and how he was in a ballet company story for a full 5 min before he prances out in a black onesie and proceeds to fuck up every ballet move known to man. I’ve seen 4 year old girls that could flip a pirouette on your ass like Baryshnikov and this fool wobbled his corny ass into a grande jet'e that looked like a shaky crackhead hover/dance. I am glad they didn’t go light on his ass. You could hear a collective "WTF" after he was done. Mary and Brian dug in that ass. Sorry Lorenzo, you aint fooling nobody. NEXT!
Next was: Language Barrier Girl
I kinda felt bad for her cause it was clear she didn’t understand how serious *chuckle* this show is. I mean she was just having some fun with a move "this kind of move" and "this kind of move" and "this kind of move" She had "All kind of move" (yall hating) and poor thing. They seriously hurt her feelings. Tears and the whole nine, but I gotta give it to her cause she did sorta carry the fuck outta them with "How high education they have?" I fell out! How high indeed girlie, go ask em cause I kinda wanna know that shit now.
Last but not least was: Sweaty Stripper Girl
Okay how do you not know you are sweating through your leotard? I mean the pit stains were amazing. She needs to go botox that shit or something cause its not cute. I could smell the funk through the TV. All that gyrating with your leotard hike up your chorcha is not cute. She was swinging her arms and head around so much Mary commented that she looked like she was being attacked by a swarm of bees. You are a stripper and not a very good one if you are flinging sweat to and fro like that. Uggh just nassy.
Makeupgirl left me an angry ass message last night which bordered on blind rage about this show. I was too busy laughing to call back, this show is high quality entertainment I shit you not!
Okay so this was long and ridiculous, and I just thought I had a few things to say. I best get back to work. Everyday I'm Hustlin...