So says the queen of all Media
Well Oprah, I dont know. I mean its so clear this summer is shot, but this weightloss thing is tricky for us regular gals without millions, a personal chef and a trainer. Cut me a lil slack okay. Her Bootcamp show was on last night, so let me just catch ya up real quick like.
You have eight workouts a week with one day of rest.
Um, thats one workout too many there sista girl. I dont know where you get 9 days in a week but I sure dont have em. By my accounts that means I gotta do some shit twice a day which unless its eating Coldstone is going to be very difficult.
The main rule: eliminate the white stuff—bread, pasta, potatoes, rice—as well as candy, pastry, cookies, cake.
Oh this bitch is trippin! What the hell is left if I cut out everything white? Lets not even start on the rice, I mean damn even prisoners get rice.
For the first month, stay away from whole grains (brown rice, oatmeal, whole wheat cereals and breads). After that, you can slowly add them back
Fuck! She is serious about this rice shit. Not even brown rice??? Can I live?
You must stop eating three hours before bedtime. Do just this, Oprah says, and you'll lose weight.
A sista is gonna be dead somewhere. Period, point blank.
Then she suggested this "snack"
Oprah adds mulling spices (a mix of cinnamon, allspice and cloves) and lemon and orange slices. And she always drinks the tea from a beautiful cup. Oprah uses this tea as part of her evening ritual in order to avoid snacking after her strict 7:30 p.m. eating cut-off time. Just be sure to use caffeine free herbal tea!
I could drink that shit out of a Faberge Egg and It wouldnt do dick for my appetite come 11pm.
For afternoon cravings she has a cup of green tea, a handful of almonds and slices of apple and Parmesan cheese.
Oprah has discovered a no-fat, no-sugar fudgesicle that satisfies her chocolate cravings.
Is it me or do these look like lil frozen dicks? Sorry, sorry I am just crazy with hunger.
Anyway, she had some other shit on there which was just as futile in the satisfaction department if you ask me, but hey I know she is trying to get folks to preserve their sexy. I just dont know that I am capable of food that comes in handfulls and more workouts than days of the week. I aint signing her contract, best I can do is promise Miss Sophia I will try.