Inked

I think my reward for getting this weight off is going to be a brand new tattoo. I couldn’t think of what I wanted when I was in Las Vegas, but I am seriously starting to rethink that dragon I saw. Being born in the year of said dragon it will have meaning, and wont be some “I was bored and didn’t know what to get” type deal that only another sun or moon might yield. I cant draw so thats out, and I want it to be original so it looks like its going to cost me a pretty penny. There is no way I would ever get flash. I hate flash with a passion.

Flash, if you are unfamiliar is that crap they post all over the walls of your local tattoo parlor or in the books on the counters. Flash is the stuff you are likely to see someone else sporting. Like everyone I know has that damn black panther including the boyfriend. Now, please don’t get it twisted I LOVE a man with tattoos, and there is something immediately moistening in all the right places when it comes to a fine man and his tattoos. The boyfriend has a few that still make me swoon and guys have NO clue how the right tattoo might seal the “getting the draws” deal for the right girl. However, its cliché to get the same shit over and over. The most wore out male tattoos are:

Tiger on chest – seen it on everyone including a guy on Real World, Cisco a model and a cousin of mine. Its not sexy, try again.

Black Panther – EVERYONE male and female has this thing in various sizes. Please be original and stop going to shit bag tattoo parlors. Not all tattoos should be $60. If you get a gigantic orange Koi off the wall and they only charge you $60, you are not getting quality work, period.

Tribal Armband – Okay, I know these were the rage at one point, and I totally got it back then. If you have one from 98 then I won’t give you too much grief, but please for the love of god, don’t go get one now, let it die. I don’t know who even started that trend, but it seems like they are everywhere.

Happy/Sad Faces – Either as masks, or as clowns, these are probably the ones I hate the most next to having Love and Hate tattooed on your knuckles. I never figured out why dudes felt like this one was so original. Everyone thinks theirs will be better or different. “Laugh now, Cry Later” hasn’t been new or different since the ese’s in Cali were doing it back in the 80’s. Just a tip fellas, women hate having a sneering evil clown or mask staring back at them in bed. I don’t wanna think about being fucked by the evil clown…or the crying one either come to think of it.

Praying hands – There has got to be another way for you to memorialize your homeboy Tito. I’ve seen this one in various stages too. Hands alone, hands with rosary, hands with rays of light, hands with cross in the back, hands with Jesus in the back, hands with Mary in the back. I am not trying to take away from anyone’s ability to remember a friend or family member but this is over done and tired and not in the least bit sexy. Remember again fellas that not only am I not interested in sex with the clown faces I am also not interested in reading Tito’s eulogy while we are fuckin either.

Memorable tattoos are very hard to come by these days. In fact its hard to remember the last time I saw a guy with a tattoo that I wanted to molest, (the tattoo not the guy) but every once in a while I will see one, and wonder if he has those damn faces tattooed on him somewhere and laugh to myself. I understand if you cant draw, but that’s what your tattoo artist is there for. They will design some shit for you that with have the girls lined up at your door. Its gonna cost you, trust me, but it is well worth it not to have every other asshat rockin your tattoo. Its original, its yours forever and you never have to pick that damn set of praying hands off the wall again.