So I spent the better part of my weekend being scared shitless of a flying rat. This winged intruder seems to have either gone back from whence he came, or has taken up residence SOME where in my fucking room. Either way, I aint even thinking about sleeping in there until I am sure that fucker is gone. I can’t even get my OCD to slow down thinking about the bat germs this motherfucker is spreading all over my damn bedroom. I am going to be boiling and bleaching shit for weeks behind this. Let me just get yall up to speed.
So when I left yall, I was cowering on my damn sofa like an asshole trying to figure out what I did to deserve living in the worst apartment complex in all of Maryland. I obviously was mistaken when I said that nothing could be worse than the roof leak that poured water into my house like Dunn’s River Falls for months on end, and the mold that is now growing unabated against my back patio door. I was clearly confused when I said that maintenance could not have provided a slower more apathetic response to any concern great or small. I my friends, stand before you, corrected.
I waited for the damn rental office to open on Saturday morning at 10 am before I stormed down there crazed with insomnia and anger about the damn bat situation. I of course had to talk to the little sissy-ass tenant relations manager. The same pansy ass bitch that came into my apartment unannounced 2 weeks after my roof basically collapsed and then wrote me a letter saying the condition of my apartment was unsanitary. Well you ass, no shit! Could it be the 3 gaping skylights being created by mother nature, or the black mold growing everywhere??? Don’t fuck with me asshole, I will wait for you with a baseball bat. So this time I was just waiting on him to say something bitchy that would cause my crazed state to shift into overdrive and smash his face in. Didn’t happen…but I wish it had.
This fool calls Animal Control and says that he will send the exterminators out to “handle it”. When? I don’t know, but he assures me that the Animal Control folks will be out today. So I go back to the same bat infested apartment I had trouble even staying in that night, to wait for the cavalry. The cavalry did come…at 2:30pm and in the form of a very butch looking woman who showed up with a flashlight and a work glove. Yeah she seems professional. So she tells me all about how there are just SO many places for that lil disease ridden fucker to hide in my damn bedroom. How he probably has a nest behind the wall and such, and how they have been out to this complex numerous times for bats. What.In.The.Fuck I say! Then she goes on to further horrify me with a story about a woman whose vents were filled with babies. BABIES people. Why I didn’t faint on the spot still eludes me.
So, this bitch tells me she cant find it, and its probably chilling somewhere and will come back out tonight if I (I shit you not) open the window at dusk and let some bugs in. Then, close it back and wait till the bat comes out to eat them. Then call them back to get it. I wonder if she could tell I was giving her the “is this bitch crazy” look. Then the bitch left. I just stood there, looking deranged wondering how the fuck that was going to happen. So I rolled the hell out and went to my folks house. Waiting for animal control is one thing, but staying willingly in a house with a damn bat trapped in my bedroom is quite another. I just couldn’t do that. So I stayed over the boyfriends house the last two nights, and he was brave enough to go in there and try to scare the damn thing out, but to no avail. I don’t know, I am just not real keen about going back in there. I mean all my shit is in there, but fuck it. I cant do it. What if the lil bastard has rabies? I mean we all know I don’t like getting my blood drawn, I cant see having all them damn shots cause I was too stupid to keep my black ass out of a known bat-habitat. So I don’t know what I do now, but I’ll keep you posted.