The Bat

Words can not even begin to express how furious, and traumatized I am at this moment. There is a motherfucking bat in my bedroom. Its 3:30 and I wake up to scratching noises, which I couldnt place, and couldnt make sense of. I got up, pissed that my sleep was broken, and headed for the bathroom. I decided at that point there was nothing better than watching an old DVD for a little while to put me back to sleep. I grabbed my copy of Crash, and headed back to the room.

Scratching is still happening, and now I am thinking "is that a damn mouse?" "do mice come to 3rd floor apartment bedrooms?" and thats when it happened. This brown "thing" shimmys its way out of a crack between the beams in my ceiling and starts flying around the room!!! Of course now I am screaming and under the covers trying to figure out why there is a motherfucking BAT in my damn room. Horror movies are right, there really is no one to hear your screams in the middle of the night. I think after about 5 min, the bat calmed down and found a place to perch. I decided that if the damn bat got into the rest of the apartment, my life was going to be over. I'm no punk damn it! No bat is gonna have me hold up under my comforter afraid to move! I mean I aint THAT scared but I also dont make chasing down rodents, insects or other annoyances a habit either. Someone else is cut out for that job, and his or her name aint Avin.

So, I talked myself up when I was sure he was sitting still, and bolted from the room faster than I have moved in years. I was even coherant enough to hit the off button on the TV. Then I remembered "my cell phone is in there" FUCK! I managed to peek in, grab it and roll out again, making sure the door was tightly fastened behind me. NOW WHAT???? Suddenly I am wishing I hadnt advocated so staunchly for keeping my room "however the fuck I like" cause someone chasing that bat is going to get a real eyefull of ungoodness. Fuck I am stubborn!

Is it not bad enough I live in this shit hole apartment, but now I am forced to contend with a flying rat? Are they fucking kidding me? Well I have moved from terror to just being plain old blown. How long do I have till sun up? Is this considered a maintainance emergency? How do I make sure that no other bats come waltzing up into my house at all hours of the night? I just cant even work my mind around this. Someone pray for me.

I woke the boyfriend up by phone (about 15 calls) and asked what the fuck to do. He says and I quote "You can either shoo it out with a broom, or spray it with a water gun." Excuse me??? Is he fucking insane? Me, I am going to chase down a damn bat, in my wifebeater tank and sleep pants? ME? Right, yeah okay what other options do you have cause I dont have me doing neither of those. The other choice...go sleep out on the couch, which I would do, if I werent so damn consumed with the fact that there is a damn BAT in my room!

Call me crazy, but sleeping after that incident is going to be a little less than easy. Uggh so now I am cleaning. I mean, I was going to do it later anyway, why not get started since I am awake and pissed off. I have plenty laundry to do, and some general straightening of the kitchen and living room. Why not be productive when a fucking bat chases you out of your own damn room at 3am? The room you pay an outrageous amount of rent for at that! Fuck it, there are no words. I will keep yall posted.